This
Just In!

Kim: is it too early for a beer?

Linsey: No. It’s Sunday. Football.

K: okay.

L: Beer and football go together

K: becuase i have nothing else but water to drink
i have no football
is that okay?

L: I’m watching football so I have that covered

K: does that make me an alcoholic?
thank you for being a friend

L: No, just thirsty

K: your heart is true
you’re a pal
and a confidant

L: And if I threw a party
And invited everyone I knew
Would I see the biggest gift would be from you?

K: you would see the biggest gift would be from me
and the card attached would say

L: Thank you for being my cunt!!
HAHAHAHA!!!!

K: I felt the need to get you this big gift because I don’t have that many friends and I have low self esteem so I want to buy your love. Here is the biggest puppy I could afford. Good luck!

L: I like mine better

K: Yes. Thank you for being my cunt!!
I do to.
you win.

L: At least I win in friends!

K: i use to wonder what the biggest gift would be

L: I would say cunts but that’s clearly not true
I just snort laughed
I’m funny!!!
It’s a car
I hope it’s a car
Or a hooker

K: probably a hooker

L: Okay. That’s a good gift.

K: that’s a pretty big gift

L: A hot one.

K: what’s the biggest gift i could get you?

L: A hooker
I thought we made that clear

K: oh.
okay
like a las vegas hooker?
or an aurora hookerim typing swhile senezing
hey, that was pretty good.

L: A hot, disease free, nice hooker who is good at the sex.

K: five sneezes.

L: Nice

K: dark hair?

L: Yes

K: out of towner?

L: Yes
A little bananas
Not tooooooo cray

K: i don’t need to ask about the cray. hookers are always cray.

L: HAHAHAHA

K: i have this beer
it is a good beer
but it does not go well with this donut

L: And a self-employed one. No creepy pimps and gross sex trade shit

K: okay.
i’ll start composing the CL aid.

Wanted:
One hooker. 15–37% cray.
Must have dark hair and be from out of town.
No gross shit like bugs or boils.
Must be good at the sexing.
Please call Kim (this is a gift for Linsey)

L: thank you
Approved
Ps no cats

K: yes
but what about if it’s just a one night stand?
at your house?

L: That’s ok

K: you’d never even see the cats.

L: How many cats ,though?

K: okay. i’ll add that

L: What if they have 10 cats?
I guess that’s more cray than allowable

K: probably