I saw this photo today and thought it would be quite appropriate for a caption contest because, why?  Why would Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston be wearing the same coat in the same place together?  Also, what are they looking at?  I don’t know.  You tell me. [via]

{updated}  Oh, also: Some guy in a Kentucky prison claims he is the father of the Gosselin and Octomom’s children. He wants them to live with him in jail because it’s secure. He also would like child support. He met Kate Gosselin at Long John Silvers over “octopuss.” He has naked photos of John Gosselin which prove he’s a woman on steroids.   His private parts would “scare the world.”  He claims celebrities are using his sperm to breed a world of his babies.

Click here to read the entire thing.

Later this week I’m going to leave the house and test my energy and strength by going to Target. If I spend more money than I planned and/or should, then I consider myself recovered!

I’m hoping to resume better, more substantive posting later this week. Thanks for hanging in there.

I found Janie’s favorite gluten-free cereal in a pack of six, though, and I’m thinking of ordering it up for her. This means that I won’t be able to use one of the reusable grocery bags from my massive and ever-expanding collection. I keep forgetting to bring them to the store, so each time I have to buy a new one in my attempt to save the earth from landfills overflowing with plastic grocery bags. Janie doesn’t like this because the more I buy and try to use the special reusable bags, the less plastic bags we have for litter box scooping. She didn’t like it when I suggested she just scoop it into her hand and run it down to the trash bin.

In more exciting news, Janie and I went to the Costco Home store with my parents yesterday in search of a new mattress, a birthday gift from them to me. We had settled on one particular queen-size model that just came on coupon, because I’ve spent the last five years smashed into a full size with three cats and a wife who MUST TOUCH THE LINSEY at any cost. Once we arrived, we realized that the king sized mattress, for only $100 more, would be on coupon in mid-February and decided to wait for that one because I’d be able to push Janie off of me without getting in trouble because she fell on the floor. We also checked out some new beds because until we get one of those, the mattress will have to sit on the floor and the cats will have nowhere to hide from us when they do naughty things on the bathroom rug instead of in their brand newly littered cat boxes. Before we left, we somehow and totally unexpectedly, had my parents purchase a new 9-piece kitchen table set for us. It’s pretty awesome.

Later tonight we’re going to Target for my new, favorite Fiber One bars and whatever else I can get into the cart without Janie finding out.

And then there’s me, and it usually looks like I ran down the aisles and swept all the middle shelves into my cart. Last year I bought an espresso maker because it was on clearance for $17.00 marked down from $60.00 and who can pass up a bargain like that? I don’t really drink coffee and Janie has given it up because once, a long time ago when I wasn’t sure things would work out between us and I thought I could just say anything so she’d let me see her lady berries, I promised to buy her a Toyota Tacoma if she stopped drinking coffee for three years (I have a year and a half left to sabotage her and save myself $20,000). I’ve had that espresso machine in my linen closet for over a year now because, as it turns out, no one wants it. That’s why it was on clearance.

Costco gets even uglier, because not only am I purchasing shit I don’t need and will never use, but I will have so much of it that when I find that 8 pound box of Cream Puffs wallowing in the back of the freezer I can’t possibly throw it away because what a waste it would be. I get this from my dad, who once stopped talking to my mom for several days because she threw away a commercial sized can of cooked, cubed beef that he got from a guy at work whose wife had tried to throw it away the week before.

Janie made the mistake of agreeing to pick me up from Target after work this evening if I let her have the car. She worked until 8pm and I took the bus to the mall after my work day ended, which left me roughly two hours to wander the aisles of the store unattended. By the time she found me in the cat and dog section, eying an elephant costume for our three bad cats, I had filled the cart completely. She asked me what I had and why we needed it all and I began to present each item and defend its existence, shouting a little in my excitement like I was that guy selling OxyClean. After that she left to wait in the car because I hadn’t made it to the second floor yet, and she didn’t want to help me carry out that barkalounger that was on clearance, even if it was made of real Naugahyde.