I didn’t intend to make this feature so regular but with going on vacation and coming back and having a breakdown that started when we landed in Seattle and I burst into tears on the plane and humiliated myself, I haven’t been able to do much of anything other than fall in love with Brooke Elliott from Drop Dead Diva and cry in the bathroom at Red Robin during our family Mother’s Day celebration.  I told Leah that my goal for the next six months is to have one family …

There was always the smallest part of me that believed I was good enough, that believed I deserved something.  To be happy.  To be loved.  To be wanted.  To be cared for. Even in the midst of some powerful and deep feelings of self-loathing I held these tiny nuggets as truth.  They WERE there.  They DID exist.  I just pushed them aside and disregarded them so easily because even bigger were these notions of being unimportant.  Worthless.  Unlovable.  No one could have ever shown me those small pieces of goodness …

Hey look! I was right. Some days are better than others and today is a better day then yesterday. For example, today my boss brought me a fruit tart. Yesterday: no tart. See how that works?
You may want to skip this post and all the others for the last year, especially if you don’t like it when I talk about my feelings and, let’s be honest, no one likes it when anyone else bitches and moans about their feelings. OH, MY FEELINGS! BLAH …

Some days I don’t believe it will get any better, that I’ll feel sad and lonely and terrible for the rest of my life, and on those days I just want to disappear. I want to fall apart, melt down into a puddle and be dried up by the sun like there was nothing there in the first place. Some days, like today, I just don’t feel good at all. I wish I didn’t have a job or bills to pay, I wish I could just collapse …

Wow, things really took a sudden turn for the serious around here. I’m sorry I had to do that to you. I’m in a place of great introspection and other important things like making mix tapes for my 7th grade boyfriend who is going to really be surprised to hear form me after all these years.
I have been, quite literally, stunned by all the wonderful and kind things you have had to say to me here, via email and in several other mediums. It is amazing how …