Janie and I broke down and brought the old desk out of storage to set up in her bedroom so I could use the desktop computer to finish our taxes and fuck around with Photoshop, etc.  I had forgotten how much I missed having that whole set-up.  There’s just something about being able to saddle up to a desk to write or work.  It makes me about 100 times more productive.  Janie said it just felt good to have it back and I think, in part, it just feels a …

I have 53 unfinished posts in my drafts folder and some of them I will delete entirely.  A few are included below, not because they’re all that good, but because they’re long enough that it’s obvious I spent a significant amount of time on them and I’m not one to just throw that away.  So here…enjoy this bullshit while I work on what has become a very long and arduous post about animals – COMING SOON (maybe)!
*****
Snovember
10/12/10
If you’re not from around these parts you may not have heard that …

I got an email recently from my friend Dana that said, “Please come back.”  So here I am…back…writing words.
I’ve actually written several things…one post half-finished called Love Exists, one about that online dating website I joined and then un-joined, another about soul mates, another called What is Love and let’s just wrap them all up into one category and say I’ve been writing a hundred skrillion posts about love and relationships and MY FEELINGS and and we’ll refer to them all as I WILL BE ALONE FOREVER.  Which most of …

There was always the smallest part of me that believed I was good enough, that believed I deserved something.  To be happy.  To be loved.  To be wanted.  To be cared for. Even in the midst of some powerful and deep feelings of self-loathing I held these tiny nuggets as truth.  They WERE there.  They DID exist.  I just pushed them aside and disregarded them so easily because even bigger were these notions of being unimportant.  Worthless.  Unlovable.  No one could have ever shown me those small pieces of goodness …

Who reads their blog archives at 1am and laughs like a jackass?  That would be me.
I really do have some things to say here, some posts that have been half-written and sit in my drafts file like some orphaned children. I’ll be back for you, my babies, I yell as I pour another cocktail and turn on an episode of Family Guy or Modern Family or Friday Night Lights or Lie to Me or Biggest Loser or the Internet.  You get the picture.  Mama needed a time-out.
I’ve got some stuff …

My good friend Carrie deleted her Facebook account today which is momentous because SHE IS AWESOME at Facebook and together with Janie, the three of us rock the shit out of it with our hot dialogues.  She decided she needed to focus on school and life for a while so she deleted her account and I have to say, I miss her already.  Mostly I miss her because it deleted all her comments and it looks like I spent five years having long, detailed conversations with myself WHICH I HAVE …

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full …

It was the moment of birth, a cold jolt into a naked existence, when I was set down in the middle of a long dirt path with miles ahead and miles behind.  I’ve been on this road before, though I have no true memory of it.  I have no reference for the journeys I’ve taken in advance of this one.  I do not know how many steps have brought me here.  I have no recollection of the me that died in this very spot some time …