I can’t stop watching television.
Specifically, I can’t stop watching HGTV.
More specifically, there is a House Hunters International marathon on and Valerie and I can’t turn it off.
We’re sitting in bed, FULLY CLOTHED and NOT TOUCHING, watching television and eating tiny oranges.
She’s yelling at the guy looking for a home in Tokyo because he asks stupid questions.  She just called him a fucking idiot and said she wants to poke him in the eye.
Now there’s a cranberry commercial talking about urinary tract infections.
THIS IS THE LIFE.
Tomorrow we discuss Las Vegas.  Probably.  …

Tonight I spent the evening whacking balls at the driving range with my friends Kim and Jill, giving myself a fat blister on my finger and possibly giving myself some crazy new form of sudden onset arthritis because that’s how I roll.  Now It’s 1145pm and I’m running out of time.  I was going to tell you all about my super fun trip to Las Vegas in September with Valerie where we swam, ate, shopped, gambled, walked and took a late night trip to the ER.  I guess it’ll have …

I had more ideas for writing today.  I’m going to have to do better at making time every day to sit and write something worthwhile.  Also, I just got sucked into some show on HGTV called Property Brothers and I can’t talk right now because this bitchy couple is making me nuts and I need to yell at the TV for a little while.  More effort and better planning tomorrow.
Peace out.

It’s been so long since I’ve sat in front of the computer really trying to write.  It feels almost like I’ve forgotten how this works…what my creative process looks like.  It’s going to take me a while to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing here now.  Ever the impatient one, I’m already frustrated with not being able to just come here and let go.
So much has changed the last year and a half and sometimes I look back at the way things used to be and it feels …

After discussing the future of uncouth heathen with several people, I’ve decided to keep going.  I’ve always loved having this place to write and get to know some of the people who come here to read what I have to say.  How can I abandon something that led me to my best friend and several other good people I’ve come to know and love?  It may take me a bit of time to get going again, but I hope to really kick things off by participating in National Blog Posting …

It’s been quite some time since I’ve written and there are several reasons.  One is that I’ve had a hard time really knowing what to write.  So many things have changed that it’s hard to even know how to incorporate all of that into this space.  As much as my life has changed in the last year and a half, so has how I approach writing about it as well.  I debate often with closing uncouth heathen and starting fresh somewhere else.  In some ways this seems like a part …

Here I am! Were you worried I was dead because it’s been a month since I’ve posted? No? Well, then fuck you. You should have been HYSTERICAL like I was a few weeks ago when my sister stopped answering her cell phone for 45 minutes and I was convinced she was dead or kidnapped or trapped in a stairwell at work with a broken ankle. I was planning my plea on the evening news, mentally designing fliers and rehearsing my phone call to the police to make sure it was …

First things first: POLE DANCING FOR JESUS.  This is a real thing.
I was recently having a conversation about animals and in the midst of that conversation, I decided that since I know so many amazing animal facts it totally makes sense that I venture out into the world of self-employment and create a tour company wherein people hire me to drag them through the zoo to teach them fun and interesting lies facts about the animals.  This is going to be great, I know it already.  So, in preparation, I’m …