One day we’ll have prizes, but for now you have the satisfaction in knowing you are clever if you can come up with a caption for this photograph:

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From time to time I like to sing little songs to Janie. Since about forever, I would sing her to sleep to the tune of Close To You by the Carpenters until, one very hurtful evening, she screamed NO! STOP! I hate that song. I have always hated that song. Also, I am a rotten whore! Then things went downhill from there and we agreed that there would be no more singing until she begged for forgiveness.  I am still waiting.
Sometimes I would make up …

Integration with Household Pets and Other Animals

For those of you with feline friends, you should know that puppies are ridiculously uncoordinated and wiggly, but still manage to make cats believe they can and will murder them. We have three (very bad) cats, as I have mentioned before. Gus loves them and he looks forward to one day curling up with them to sleep and cuddle and talk about the best places to sit to block our view of the television when we are trying to watch who just …

I think there is a chemical leak in Linsey’s building. Someone should call 911.

If I tell you to run someone over, you mow them down.  No questions.  Just do it.

Or, “Look, if it’s about that time I puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix, it was my first keg party, Bobby!”1
In April I posted Part I of Armageddon, a Tutorial.  Well, here we are in September October and I guess it’s time for Part II. We left off just before *TOOT! TOOT! TOOT!* The Trumpet Judgments:
You might think that someone like me, a heathen, wouldn’t know much about this subject, but surprise!   I played the trumpet for three years back in grade school – a CATHOLIC GRADE …

My favorite part is at 2:28 which duplicates exactly how I fight: dirty and hard.

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