I can’t stop watching television.
Specifically, I can’t stop watching HGTV.
More specifically, there is a House Hunters International marathon on and Valerie and I can’t turn it off.
We’re sitting in bed, FULLY CLOTHED and NOT TOUCHING, watching television and eating tiny oranges.
She’s yelling at the guy looking for a home in Tokyo because he asks stupid questions.  She just called him a fucking idiot and said she wants to poke him in the eye.
Now there’s a cranberry commercial talking about urinary tract infections.
THIS IS THE LIFE.
Tomorrow we discuss Las Vegas.  Probably.  …

by Fred Astaire

What kind of sickly little nellies are they allowing to compete on Dancing with the Stars this year? The past two weeks has been filled with bitching and moaning about oh, my flu. I’m filled with the flu. The flu has be down and I need to go home to sleep. BOO HOO! I’m sorry I’m a failure at life.
Back when I was on Dancing with the Stars, we didn’t cry about having the flu. We didn’t let our professionals take days …