Last year I read Eat Pray Love for my book club and it was a reminder to me of what I’ve been neglecting in my life. Elizabeth Gilbert set out on a year-long trek to find herself through pleasure and prayer. She spent several weeks at the Ashram of her Guru in India, and as I read I wondered to myself, “Where can I find myself a guru?” not really knowing that I’d found one long ago in Pema Chödrön.
I can’t really say how I happened upon her …

Or, “Look, if it’s about that time I puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix, it was my first keg party, Bobby!”1
In April I posted Part I of Armageddon, a Tutorial.  Well, here we are in September October and I guess it’s time for Part II. We left off just before *TOOT! TOOT! TOOT!* The Trumpet Judgments:
You might think that someone like me, a heathen, wouldn’t know much about this subject, but surprise!   I played the trumpet for three years back in grade school – a CATHOLIC GRADE …

“I will participate in the demonstrations tomorrow. Maybe they will turn violent. Maybe I will be one of the people who is going to get killed. I’m listening to all my favorite music. I even want to dance to a few songs. I always wanted to have very narrow eyebrows. Yes, maybe I will go to the salon before I go tomorrow! There are a few great movie scenes that I also have to see. I should drop by the library, too. …

See also, Why Jesus is the best friend you’ll ever have and has nothing to do with sex

Or, “Fuck, man. This is better than Disneyland!”1
I’ve been reading the Left Behind series and then I watched part of the History channel’s Armageddon week and I’m here to clear up any misconceptions you may have on the subject because I consider my Doomsday studies to be complete and myself at the forefront of End Times knowledge.  For example, I now know that Armageddon is NOT about how Bruce Willis will save us from an asteroid when NASA sends him into outer space with his surly team of misfits.  …