My aunt is coming to visit later this month. She’ll be in town for a food blogger’s convention, but before it starts she wants to get together.
Should we make dinner over here? We can make some gluten-free schnitzel or some German pancakes or something.
Sure.
Also, maybe Carson will crawl into her purse and she won’t notice until she gets back home to Florida.
She’ll wonder why her bag is suddenly so heavy, but then she’ll think it is just because of the souvenirs she bought.
But really it’ll be the cat …

I apologize for using the f-word when talking to you via text message the other day.
I won’t be talked to like that!
I already said I was sorry.
Fuck you!

I’m so tired
Me, too.  Maybe we’re tired because we’re both pregnant with Miracle Babies.
Oh yeah?  That wouldn’t be good.
Well, we could only keep one.  So we’d have to subject them to tests of strength and intellectual ability.  I’m pretty sure my Miracle Baby would win.
You think so, huh?
Yeah.  My Miracle Baby would definitely be able to lift more weights and run faster than your Miracle Baby.  Your Miracle Baby would be more like a regular baby.  Maybe your Miracle Baby isn’t actually a Miracle Baby.  Maybe yours is just luck.  …

Look at all that shit on the side of the road!  What is that?  Look at all that shit!
Uh-huh.
Look at all that shi- oh, wait.  It’s plants.  It’s just plants.
…
But not that.  That’s a bucket.

Maybe I’ll take four Vicodin when I wake up tomorrow. To see what happens.
Did you just say four Vicodin?
Yeah. I’ll take four and you can just see where you find me when you get home from work.