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EACH MOMENT A WHITE BULL STEPS SHINING INTO THE WORLD
by Jane Hirshfield

If the gods bring to you
a strange and frightening creature,
accept the gift
as if it were one you had chosen.
Say the accustomed prayers,
oil the hooves well,
caress the small ears with praise.
Have the new halter of woven silver
embedded with jewels.
Spare no expense, pay what is asked,
when a gift arrives from the sea.
Treat it as you yourself
would be treated, brought speechless and naked
into the court of a king.
And when the request finally comes,
do …

I’ve been feeling a bit stupid lately.
Well, let me explain before you chime in with your OH YEAH’s and your YOU’VE GOT THAT RIGHT’s and the inevitable LET’S NOT LISTEN!  I’ve been so wrapped up in my ridiculous drama of a failure of a life that I’ve not really made time for myself to do anything to grow myself intellectually, which is a bummer.  Basically it’s all feelings all the time here and talking about feelings or thinking thoughts about feelings or just crying about feelings and GOD, I’m tired …

Hey look! I was right. Some days are better than others and today is a better day then yesterday. For example, today my boss brought me a fruit tart. Yesterday: no tart. See how that works?
You may want to skip this post and all the others for the last year, especially if you don’t like it when I talk about my feelings and, let’s be honest, no one likes it when anyone else bitches and moans about their feelings. OH, MY FEELINGS! BLAH …

Some days I don’t believe it will get any better, that I’ll feel sad and lonely and terrible for the rest of my life, and on those days I just want to disappear. I want to fall apart, melt down into a puddle and be dried up by the sun like there was nothing there in the first place. Some days, like today, I just don’t feel good at all. I wish I didn’t have a job or bills to pay, I wish I could just collapse …