It shouldn’t be a surprise that I ended up at the hospital less than 12 hours after I got here.  But not because Monica beat me senseless – though she has kicked me and hit me a handful of awful times even though I cried and protested and said NO NO NO you’re hurting me WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, is it because I’m so much more awesome than you are, because that’s understandable that you’d be upset about it, but it’s still not okay to hurt me …

In one week Janie and I will be on a plane from Los Angeles to Melbourne, Australia! We’re going to spend 15.5 hours sitting next to one another and doing our best not to talk about our feelings because when we talk about our feelings we end up in a fight and the last thing we need is to be arrested for rolling around the aisles of the jet punching and kicking one another in a fit of divorce-rage.
We’ll spend two weeks in and around Melbourne including a weekend …

Oh, you guys. GOD DAMN. I hate painting. We’re getting the condo all ready to list and it’s paint paint paint all the time and in between we do yard work, cry because a) this is depressing or b)  one of us just had a giant glob of paint drip onto their eyeball, we move a 300 pound television down two flights of stairs and then purchase, paint and attempt to install new closet doors that end up being the wrong size and are non-returnable because we …

1. Do not make it more complicated than it has to be.  By this I mean DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED.
2. When you chip out those tiles in the bathroom shower stall, don’t wait two years to fix it because when you get divorced and you have to sell your home it will only make it more stressful to deal with these kinds of repairs and by stressful, I mean expensive and by expensive, I mean it will cost more money than you have and it will MAKE THINGS …

Ending a relationship is the most insanely complicated experience I can ever imagine.  I work in a law office and there are an abundance of rules and regulations and codes and laws to weave through and yet it is still less complicated than finding your way through the end of a long-term relationship.  Seriously.  This is a bullshit.
First things first.  Janie and I are doing really well, all things considered.  We’re broken and sad and lost but managing to find our way through to something good.  We’re getting along.  We’re …