1. Do not make it more complicated than it has to be.  By this I mean DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED.
2. When you chip out those tiles in the bathroom shower stall, don’t wait two years to fix it because when you get divorced and you have to sell your home it will only make it more stressful to deal with these kinds of repairs and by stressful, I mean expensive and by expensive, I mean it will cost more money than you have and it will MAKE THINGS …

Further suggestions welcome in the comments…

Janie has been going to therapy for the last few weeks because she has contracted the crazy.  Don’t tell her I said that because she thinks she’s going to therapy because of me but she is wrong.  SHE IS WRONG!  Last week her therapist made her role play and have a conversation with her fourth grade self and she giggled uncontrollably and then died of embarrassment.  I had to remind her that everyone would giggle and feel embarrassed talking to their fourth grade selves because what the hell were you …

Integration with Household Pets and Other Animals

For those of you with feline friends, you should know that puppies are ridiculously uncoordinated and wiggly, but still manage to make cats believe they can and will murder them. We have three (very bad) cats, as I have mentioned before. Gus loves them and he looks forward to one day curling up with them to sleep and cuddle and talk about the best places to sit to block our view of the television when we are trying to watch who just …

Now that I am experienced in removing massive quantities of small tiles from a shower, I feel compelled to offer tips to the next unsuspecting fool who believes a project of this nature will be a piece of cake.

1. Wear shoes
Granted, this should be completely obvious when you have tiny shards of tile crumbling to the ground all around you. I should have known better, but I was just getting started and I was excited. Learn from my mistakes.
2. Keep the first aid kit in an easily accessible …