It’s been so long since I’ve sat in front of the computer really trying to write.  It feels almost like I’ve forgotten how this works…what my creative process looks like.  It’s going to take me a while to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing here now.  Ever the impatient one, I’m already frustrated with not being able to just come here and let go.
So much has changed the last year and a half and sometimes I look back at the way things used to be and it feels …

Here I am! Were you worried I was dead because it’s been a month since I’ve posted? No? Well, then fuck you. You should have been HYSTERICAL like I was a few weeks ago when my sister stopped answering her cell phone for 45 minutes and I was convinced she was dead or kidnapped or trapped in a stairwell at work with a broken ankle. I was planning my plea on the evening news, mentally designing fliers and rehearsing my phone call to the police to make sure it was …

First things first: POLE DANCING FOR JESUS.  This is a real thing.
I was recently having a conversation about animals and in the midst of that conversation, I decided that since I know so many amazing animal facts it totally makes sense that I venture out into the world of self-employment and create a tour company wherein people hire me to drag them through the zoo to teach them fun and interesting lies facts about the animals.  This is going to be great, I know it already.  So, in preparation, I’m …

Leah was one of the very first people to happen upon this little website outside of my family and friends.  She has always been my biggest fan, even more than Janie ever was and IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE ARE DIVORCED THEN THERE IS A GOOD ONE OF THE MANY REASONS (Janie would like me to tell you this is a terrible, terrible lie and IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE ARE DIVORCED THEN THERE IS A GOOD ONE OF MANY REASONS).  But I digress.
Leah always says …

A while back I started a blog on Tumblr, where mostly people put pictures and quotes and videos and reblog the shit out of one another, so I don’t really know how I have ever managed to find something new but there we have it.  The beauty of the Internet.  Some crazy asshole is always making something new and THANK GOD, because how else would I spend 9pm to 3am every day?  Anyhow, I deleted it when I went crazy after that divorce thing happened and then, shortly thereafter, resurrected …