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CAPTION CONTEST

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What’s Freddy Mercury thinking about? [via]

Also, I feel you should know, I have this exact same outfit in orange.

PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES! PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES! PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES!
An impartial panel of judges composed of my sister and brother-in-law will choose the winning caption.
The winning entry will be announced sometime on Friday, March 19.  They will have 48 hours to email me  – heathen (at) uncouthheathen (dot) com – their address to which I will send a Corn Dog T Shirt, personalized card and other assorted shit you don’t need.  Maybe a cat if I can get Carson into the box.
If no one answers or the winner does not email me, I reserve the right to burn the prizes in a ritualistic fire of cleansing at the next full moon, after which I will drink too much whiskey and sing karaoke in the alley behind my sister’s house.
*** UPDATE: WINNER!  WINNER!  WINNER! WINNER!  WINNER!  WINNER!WINNER!  WINNER!***

LISA WINS!  I will get you that corn dog t-shirt as soon as you tell me what size you want.  Congratulations and thanks for playing.

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CAPTION CONTEST

AnalgesiaAerator

(Chicago Tribune archive photo)

 

PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES! PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES! PRIZES!  PRIZES!  PRIZES!
An impartial panel of Judges named Mom and Dad will choose the winning caption, so you may want to reconsider calling this lady a whore.  Just sayin’.
The winning entry will be announced on Monday, February 22nd.  They will have 48 hours to email me  – heathen (at) uncouthheathen (dot) com – their address to which I will send a Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure, personalized card and a small plastic blow fish to hide in your spouse’s/child’s/parent’s/roommate’s underwear drawer.  Maybe some other things if I feel inspired.
If no one answers or the winner does not email me, I reserve the right to burn the prizes in a ritualistic fire of cleansing at the next full moon, after which I will slaughter my cats and make gloves out of their silky fur.
*** UPDATE: WINNER!  WINNER!  WINNER! WINNER!  WINNER!  WINNER!WINNER!  WINNER!***
Ali submitted her entry via email and it read: “Janie never let her Celiac Disease stand in her way!”  and after careful consideration by my parents, they decided that Ali is the winner.  So, Ali, I will need your address in order to send you the Prize!  Thanks for participating, all five of you.  We’ll do this again sometime.
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CAPTION CONTEST

Look at this, I’ve already lost this whole NaBloPoMo thing.  I didn’t even make it a week.  That’s okay, though.  I won’t beat myself up about it.  I decided that this year I was not going to post things that were just filler because I felt like I had to do something.  It felt cheap to me and I don’t want to cheapen your experience as a reader of this fine, high-quality establishment.  So I took a few days off to dome things like go to Target to check out their remodel.  You know what gets me about stores that remodel?  They never leave anything in the same place.  The only thing I recognized as being in the same place as before, besides the  escalator, was the photo kiosk.  It took me 20 minutes to find the cat food and by then I’d forgotten what else I was really there for, so just to make it worthwhile I bought a toaster.

I saw this photo today and thought it would be quite appropriate for a caption contest because, why?  Why would Jon Gosselin and Levi Johnston be wearing the same coat in the same place together?  Also, what are they looking at?  I don’t know.  You tell me. [via]

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{updated}  Oh, also: Some guy in a Kentucky prison claims he is the father of the Gosselin and Octomom’s children. He wants them to live with him in jail because it’s secure. He also would like child support. He met Kate Gosselin at Long John Silvers over “octopuss.” He has naked photos of John Gosselin which prove he’s a woman on steroids.   His private parts would “scare the world.”  He claims celebrities are using his sperm to breed a world of his babies.

Click here to read the entire thing.