I live in Seattle, Washington with my ex-wife, Janie, our (very bad) cat and one (incredibly naughty) dog.

During the day I work in downtown Seattle in an employment law office. During the evening, I work hard for the money.

I grew up in Shoreline, Washington just north of Seattle.  I have an older brother (who has a son) and an older sister (who has a husband – and in March 2011 will also have a son).  I also have two parents, still married after something like 400 years.  They drive me crazy but I love the shit out of my family.

In sixth grade I started to think I might have the gay, but when you’re 12 years old and you go to a Catholic grade school and you don’t know anyone who is gay and your religious sex education text book says homosexuals are perverts who will go to hell, you start understand that there is really no other option than to keep that little bit of information to yourself.  It is safe to say that at a very young age I learned there are a lot of things not to be shared with other people.  Consequently, I am fiercely guarded.  At the same time, it has taught me that where I lack trust in other people, I have ultimate trust in my ability to manage whatever difficulties come my way.  However, I long deeply to shed all these protective layers and discover the person I have hidden away from the rest of the world.  That’s sort of what this place is about.  Sometimes.  When I’m not talking about how my ex-wife never took her shirt off.

Somewhere between high school and college I had a revelation while taking a shower.  It wasn’t so much a revelation, really, as it was a little voice in my head that said – LISTEN UP.  YOU ARE SO FUCKING GAY.  And then I cried hysterically and thought my life was over.  It wasn’t.  Obviously.  That would be weird…because WHO IS THIS?  I was convinced I was an awful person.  This is a theme you will hear a lot about if you stick around.  You will also find out that I do a lot of thinking and realizing while in the shower, I have a lot of feelings and I cry all the time.

In the spring of 1999 I moved to Japan for several months because I fell in love with a girl I met online.  She was living in Tokyo for a year on a grant and  I decided that it made perfect sense to leave my life and follow my heart.  This is very me…and a sign of how  much I trust myself to make massive decisions when everyone else around me shakes their heads, calls me an idiot and tells me I’m doing the exact wrong thing.  She was the first person to ever break my heart and blow my fucking mind.  Despite the devastating consequences, I have looked back at that experience with great affection, because I learned that following my heart would lead me to some unbelievable places both in the world and within myself.

Shortly after returning I had a one night stand with my friend Carrie’s best friend, Janie.  A couple years after that, Janie and I started dating.  Somewhere in there was a lot of therapy focused on coming out to my parents. After four years together I asked Janie to marry me.  And then I told my parents I was gay and that I wanted to marry my “roommate.”  They didn’t freak out like I’d spent years convincing myself they would.  In fact, the only thing they said was that it hurt their feelings that I came out to them in a letter that I TYPED and SENT IN THE MAIL.  They knew Janie and loved her (I still like to insist that if my dad could trade me in for her, he would.  He loves her that much) so it wasn’t a big deal.  We went to Las Vegas and got ourselves gay married in front of our family and good friends.  Then we bought a condo.  In May of 2010, Janie  and I split up after 8 years together, which has been emotionally difficult and challenging.  We work hard every day to develop and maintain a very strong and important friendship.  We still live together in a condo that no one will buy because the market is so awful.  I like to insist that one day she will meet and marry the love of her life, have a family and I’ll live in their basement.

I currently enjoy weekly visits to therapy where I talk a lot about my childhood, divorce and how to love myself as I am without constantly worrying what other people think of me.  Also, how not to go completely insane by overthinking everything ever.

I also like to talk a lot about things like my personal JOURNEY, spirituality, my soul, my heart, love and my evolving philosophies on life.  It can get annoying, but I try to make up for it by eating too much sugar, drinking too much caffeine and then going completely retarded and talking a lot of nonsense.  And YES, I DO use words like retarded and whore.  I would not likely say these to you in person unless I knew you well enough to look you in the eye and tell you that you’re a retarded whorebag and feel certain you would not be at all offended by that remark.  And then we’d laugh and go get some ice cream.

If there is one thing I love more than cupcakes, it’s laughing.  And talking.  And making out.  That’s three things, I realize, but they are all equally important to me.

I like sushi, Diet Pepsi, ginger ale, late nights, Tina Turner, Meryl Streep and Las Vegas.

I don’t like guilt trips, waking up early, vampires, peach schnapps, being ignored or cooked peas and carrots.

★★★★★

Send your general email correspondence to:

uncouthheathen *at* gmail *dot* com