I live in Seattle, Washington with my ex-wife, Janie, our (very bad) cat and one (incredibly naughty) dog.

During the day I work in downtown Seattle in an employment law office. During the evening, I work hard for the money.

I grew up in Shoreline, Washington just north of Seattle.  I have an older brother (who has a son) and an older sister (who has a husband – and in March 2011 will also have a son).  I also have two parents, still married after something like 400 years.  They drive me crazy but I love the shit out of my family.

In sixth grade I started to think I might have the gay, but when you’re 12 years old and you go to a Catholic grade school and you don’t know anyone who is gay and your religious sex education text book says homosexuals are perverts who will go to hell, you start understand that there is really no other option than to keep that little bit of information to yourself.  It is safe to say that at a very young age I learned there are a lot of things not to be shared with other people.  Consequently, I am fiercely guarded.  At the same time, it has taught me that where I lack trust in other people, I have ultimate trust in my ability to manage whatever difficulties come my way.  However, I long deeply to shed all these protective layers and discover the person I have hidden away from the rest of the world.  That’s sort of what this place is about.  Sometimes.  When I’m not talking about how my ex-wife never took her shirt off.

Somewhere between high school and college I had a revelation while taking a shower.  It wasn’t so much a revelation, really, as it was a little voice in my head that said – LISTEN UP.  YOU ARE SO FUCKING GAY.  And then I cried hysterically and thought my life was over.  It wasn’t.  Obviously.  That would be weird…because WHO IS THIS?  I was convinced I was an awful person.  This is a theme you will hear a lot about if you stick around.  You will also find out that I do a lot of thinking and realizing while in the shower, I have a lot of feelings and I cry all the time.

In the spring of 1999 I moved to Japan for several months because I fell in love with a girl I met online.  She was living in Tokyo for a year on a grant and  I decided that it made perfect sense to leave my life and follow my heart.  This is very me…and a sign of how  much I trust myself to make massive decisions when everyone else around me shakes their heads, calls me an idiot and tells me I’m doing the exact wrong thing.  She was the first person to ever break my heart and blow my fucking mind.  Despite the devastating consequences, I have looked back at that experience with great affection, because I learned that following my heart would lead me to some unbelievable places both in the world and within myself.

Shortly after returning I had a one night stand with my friend Carrie’s best friend, Janie.  A couple years after that, Janie and I started dating.  After four years together we went to Las Vegas and got ourselves gay married.  In May of 2010, Janie  and I split up after 8 years together, which was emotionally difficult and challenging and required so much paperwork that I decided that I’m never getting divorced ever again.  The next time I get married will be forever or until I’m murdered in my sleep.

In July of 2011 I met my gay lady, Valerie, who lives in Portland.  Every weekend one of us travels for three hours so we can spend two blissful nights together.  These are the very best days of my week, hands-down.  I look forward to the day when we will live in the same state and city and house and sleep in the same bed, preferably snuggled up tight together because it’s just nicer that way.  Maybe I’ll just Velcro her to my body because MY GOD, she’s like catnip to me.  I want to rub my face all over her every time we’re together.

I currently enjoy twice-monthly visits to therapy where I talk a lot about my childhood, divorce, relationships and how to love myself as I am without constantly worrying what other people think of me.  Also, how not to go completely insane by overthinking everything ever.

My best friend’s name is Leah and she is, truly, the greatest.  We met because of this website and in the Spring of 2011 we finally had the chance to hang out in person and on the second day she drove me to an abandoned parking lot in the bad part of her town, near the train station, and I wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t going to shoot me and shove my dead body out of the car.  You never know.  And you especially never know with Leah because she is BADASS.  She’ll cut you.

I also like to talk a lot about things like my personal JOURNEY, spirituality, my soul, my heart, love and my evolving philosophies on life.  It can get annoying, but I try to make up for it by eating too much sugar, drinking too much caffeine and then going completely retarded and talking a lot of nonsense.

If there is one thing I love more than cupcakes, it’s laughing.  And talking.  And making out.  That’s three things, I realize, but they are all equally important to me.

I like sushi, Diet Pepsi, ginger ale, late nights, Tina Turner, Meryl Streep and Las Vegas.

I don’t like guilt trips, waking up early, vampires, peach schnapps, being ignored or cooked peas and carrots.

★★★★★

Send your general email correspondence to:

uncouthheathen *at* gmail *dot* com