Overheard at Bauhaus

Linsey: when is date night?

Kim: Friday

L: plan?

K: picnic at lincoln park

L: PICNIC
so romantic

K: i’m providing food. she’s providing the picnic basket
and blanket

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L: PICNICS ARE FOR DATES

K:  yes, well, this is a date.
it’s entirely appropriate

L: picnics are for kissin’
i hope they are, for you

K: yes. for me. for you, no picnic, no mayo, no kissin’.

[pause]

K: Nicole and I are reminiscing on the flying dildo incident of 2014.

L: it’s one of my most favorite memories of this year

K: it’ll definitely be in the year end edition of Time

L: it was AMAZING
i almost got stuck in the tree

K: you did or the dildo did?

L: hahaha
IT

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K: did you climb the tree to save my dildo?
You really are the BEST!

L:  no, it fell out.
as they do

K: the next time a lady moves in with me, i’m going to buy you a hardhat and an orange vest.

just in case things go wrong.

L: good thinking.
and a shirt that says KIM’S LITTLE CUNT

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K: probably a badge

L: or else put it on the back of my vest

K: classier

L: ooh that’s nice
i’m sorry i didn’t put it on my business cards

K: and one of those cars that follow the big trucks. but instead of a sign that says WIDE LOAD it would say LITTLE CUNT.

L: Well, in my case, it should really say both

K: But I’M the truck!

L: WIDE LOAD (little cunt)
ah, i see. you’re right
also, it’s shamed like a vagina
and the cab is the clitoris

K:  shamed?

L: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

K: BAD VAGINA!
Get back on that truck!
We need to do some photoshoppin’.

L: i hope i don’t run into the weinermobile

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