Oh, you guys. GOD DAMN. I hate painting. We’re getting the condo all ready to list and it’s paint paint paint all the time and in between we do yard work, cry because a) this is depressing or b)  one of us just had a giant glob of paint drip onto their eyeball, we move a 300 pound television down two flights of stairs and then purchase, paint and attempt to install new closet doors that end up being the wrong size and are non-returnable because we are morons.

Then we do about 8 million other things and then we paint some more.

I didn’t write a post about this because it’s another depressing situation that we’ll likely never get over, but a few weeks ago we had to take Harlow and Carson to the Humane Society so they could be found a new home.  Awful awful, awful day.  And when we got there I went inside to the office and it was filled with happy people talking and volunteers helping people find pets to adopt and take home.  Then there I was, crying, asking about where I go to drop off two cats and suddenly the volunteer who cheerfully and loudly greeted me would only speak in hushed tones.  She hunched over and pulled me aside and we sat crouched in the shadows, hiding from the happy adopters and she told me…NO NO NO…the next building is where you drop off animals.  This is for adoptions.  YOU ARE TOO SAD TO BE IN HERE.  GET OUT.  So we found the drop off site and after some paperwork, we walked out the door and drove away.  I miss those two fuckers every day.  Even Carson and the constant peeing.  I wish wish wish that they’ve found a good and happy home.  So now we have Gus and Ducati,  who keeps looking around the place and meowing.  If you listen closely you’ll hear him mumble to himself,  “What happened to all our hos? WE ARE MISSING SOME HOS.” Gus doesn’t care…it’s guys only now.  GUYS ONLY.  Guys time all the time, and that’s the best time.  GUYS GUYS GUYS. Sledgehammer!

In other news, I have contracted the plague from my sister who was selfish enough to comfort and hug me when I was crying in the middle of her yard sale a few weeks ago, therefore passing on her hideous germs and infecting me with the worst cold the world has ever known.  My good friend XUP likes to make light of my hideous affliction but she doesn’t know!  SHE DOES NOT KNOW THE HORRORS OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME EVEN AS WE SPEAK.  Disgusting things.  Snot the likes of which you would not believe.  This weekend I coughed so much that I threw up in the shower.  Earlier today I coughed so hard I peed my pants.  THIS IS A SICKNESS OF THE WORST KIND. Luckily Janie and I no longer touch, so she’s safe from the horrors, but I know that if she makes me mad enough I can cough on her toothbrush while she’s at work and GOOD DAY TO YOU, LADY.

In other news, I’m thinking of getting one of these for Ducati:


Hmmm…I think that’s about all.  It’s all house bullshit all the time around here until we get this place on the market.  Keep your fingers crossed that we sell it fast and for 8 million dollars because I would enjoy having millions of dollars.


  1. Elaine
    August 11, 2010

    Wait, why did you get rid of 2 of your cats?

  2. heathen
    August 11, 2010

    It’s a long and very complicated explanation, and a decision that was made after months of discussion and contemplation and a lot of tears.

  3. Elaine
    August 11, 2010

    Oh. Was that insensitive of me to pry? Yes, yes it was.

  4. August 11, 2010

    I’d say the cats are well out of it. As everyone knows, the Black Death is easily transferred to animals. Also, they would have tied you down when you go on your world tour with the Guinness Book of World Records people for being the only human in the world ever to survive the Black Death while doing home decorating.

    But seriously, this thing seems to be hanging on for quite a while. I hope it shows some signs of abating??
    .-= XUP´s last blog ..What the Hell is Homeopathy =-.

  5. heathen
    August 11, 2010

    Elaine – no, not insensitive at all. Just a long story and hard to explain. 😛 No worries! 🙂

    XUP – World Tour! Superbug! I COULD TAKE THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! Good idea! 😉 It’s b=getting better, but hanging on, for sure. FO SHO.

  6. September 4, 2010

    that sickness was so strong, i got it from im’ing with our lovely heathen. that’s how bad that plague is. and me, going on 4 weeks of symptoms. i can function properly now but the cough and snot are still around.

    i’m going to tweet this: “What happened to all our hos? WE ARE MISSING SOME HOS”
    .-= leah´s last blog ..Her name is Nutcase and I’m keeping her =-.

  7. heathen
    September 4, 2010

    Hahaha! I can’t believe you’re still sick! Actually, you know, I CAN. You need to watch some Wanda Sykes comedy -specials – that’s where the part about the hos comes from. I can’t remember which one, but they’re all worth it so watch them all and then tell me how much you are in love with her when it’s all over.

  8. heathen
    September 5, 2010

    Oh my god, me, too. If I weren’t already saving myself for Terri Clark, I’d marry Wanda Sykes, even if she already is. Whatever.

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