Dear Monica,

If you had asked me several months ago whether or not I could imagine that I’d be sitting here writing about my best friend, I’d have thought you were crazy. I don’t have those kinds of relationships, I’d tell you.  I don’t let people in to my life in that way  It’s too hard, too impossible, too much work to imagine having someone know so much about me.  The cost, it seemed, was just too high.

Then one day I read a blog comment, and I follow the link to another blog and before I know it I’m emailing the most intimate details of my existence to some crazy person in Australia.  It took no effort, no thought, no consideration of the very things that had always kept me from letting someone in to this place, to the deepest corners of my soul.  It is indescribable, the connection I feel with you and the ease with which I am able to share my life, even the pieces of myself I have always been most afraid to show because they are so raw, so hard, painful and, at times, uncomfortable or unattractive.  You have always been so respectful of me and my feelings, of who I am and how I am.  You have never judged me.  You have shown me nothing but the kind of love and affection that I have spent years doubting existed. You have called me countless names and screamed absurd profanities at me, too, but I know that what you really mean to say in those moments is that you are having a difficult time accepting the fact that I am so awesome.  I just want you to know that I understand you.  I get it. I am awesome.  And let’s not forget,  I am also very important.  And important people only associate with other important people and that I associate with you speaks volumes.  Together we make a very potent combination of crazy retarded awesome importance.  It does not get any more confusing than that.  Or stunning.  Or weird.

Yours is a dazzling life so filled with promise, potential and immeasurable beauty.  This friendship that has exploded into something so much more in so little time has easily become one of the most phenomenal experiences in my life.  I look forward to our conversations every day, to the serious talks and discussions, to working out misunderstandings, to the insane laughter and the ability to share even the smallest parts of my days with you.  There are times when we talk and I stop and think to myself, THIS IS MY LIFE?  THIS IS MY FRIEND? and I swell with joy and pride because I am so  impossibly lucky to look you in the eye and know that I can trust you with the most delicate parts of who I am.  You are, without a doubt, my best friend.

I am a better person for knowing you.  I feel like you came into my life when I needed you the most.  I am not used to needing people.  I am not used to asking for help.  It is as if something somewhere knew I was struggling and that I couldn’t make it through this part of my life on my own, not with any hope of changing the things I need to change in order to be the person I need to be.  And you showed up so out of the blue and helped me believe that I am everything I had always wanted to be but never believed I could.  You told me I am beautiful, that I am a good person and that I deserve not only to believe it is true, but to know it.  To feel it.  To let the world see it.  And I believed you.  That has never happened before and I still cannot explain quite why it happened but it did and it changed me.  You saw in me something that I was never able, but then you showed it to me and made me believe it.  I have never been given such a gift in my life and I will spend the rest of my days trying to find a way to thank you in a way that measures up.  Impossible, really, but I will keep trying.

I know I am a bit of a clumsy friend – I don’t always express myself well and I am messy and awkward and, at times, difficult to understand.  My jokes are often quite awful.  I do want you to know, though, that I am here for you always, in any way you need me.  You should know that I’m here for you whether things are easy or hard or somewhere in between.  You need never doubt that I have your back in any situation.  I am ready to fight for you, to offer my support, help and understanding.  I am always on your side, by your side, on your back, hiding in the corner of the room waiting to jump out and scare you and sometimes, when no one is looking, I am stealing your wallet.  I don’t know where I was going with that.  I think what I meant to say was that you can count on me.

May the next year bring you all the beauty, joy, health and happiness life has to offer.  You deserve that and so very much more.  I am proud to be a part of your days, to experience a life so beyond expression that it is impossible to understand how much magic can exist in one soul.  But there you are.  I celebrate this birthday with you, the first since we’ve met, and I look forward to many, many more opportunities to celebrate the beautiful day on which you came into this world.  My life is ever changed for that moment and I am beyond grateful – for your love and friendship and for everything you are.  The world is a kinder, gentler place for having you in it and my life is richer each day because of you.   I love you dearly and completely, forever.

Happy Birthday, Monica.

Love,

Linsey