Wow, things really took a sudden turn for the serious around here. I’m sorry I had to do that to you. I’m in a place of great introspection and other important things like making mix tapes for my 7th grade boyfriend who is going to really be surprised to hear form me after all these years.

I have been, quite literally, stunned by all the wonderful and kind things you have had to say to me here, via email and in several other mediums. It is amazing how the tubes of this Internet can bring us all together to say such nice things and, best of all, they’re about me. I feel like it’s my birthday but without the cake and, really…how hard would it be for someone to send me a cake? I’ll give you my address…you only have to ask.

I do not want to appear as if I wander around in this cloud of misery all day, every day. Yes, I have some problems (oh, really…I couldn’t tell, you asshole) and I carry them around with me all the time because they are a part of me. Despite that, I have a really happy life. I have a most gorgeous and supportive wife that loves me, a dog that tries to follow me out the door to work every morning, a family that is intensely loyal and crazy in love with me despite my varied imperfections and all that shit I did in years 1-24, friends that make me laugh and cry and usually both at the same time and three cats that keep me in my place by peeing on my bath towel. I have immeasurable joys that I do not want to appear at all ungrateful for. I have so much more than many other people and that, too, is overwhelming.

When I started posting on this website I didn’t know how it would turn out and there have been innumerable times where I have wanted to quit and run the other direction because I have felt…boring. And the one thing that has kept me here are the people who read this website and tell me that I have connected with them in some way. And there is little else in my life that is as precious as the idea that even one word I write here has brought a smile to someone’s face. That alone is worth the struggle to stay and work it out and I am ever grateful to have friends like each of you, regardless of the cake issue which I hope we can resolve ASAP.

So if you promise to keep reading and maybe just email me or comment or hit me up in Google chat to say hello and tell me about your day and spend some time listening to me talk about how my rotting ovaries are rotting and rolling around in my shoe, I promise to keep writing and being hilarious because you deserve that much. Let’s all get married and live together on a compound in the remote wilderness of Montana. We can make our own cheese and wash our clothes by beating them on a rock by the river. Its going to be awesome. Amen.


  1. heathen
    March 11, 2010

    Oh my god, Monica. Your weak will is disgusting.

  2. heathen
    March 11, 2010

    Now you’re just embarrassed that I called you out. It’s okay. The people will understand. They are very kind, unlike some asshole i know.

  3. Constance
    March 11, 2010

    I would like to join you on your compound. I will bring my chickens.

  4. Cas
    March 12, 2010



    (virtual cake)

    Plus, in Montana, I would like to have a herd of little dogs, cresting the top of a hill, with the sunset backing them in silhouette, with the dust rising around them, like the little badasses that they are.

  5. March 12, 2010

    now that there are chickens, me and my lady gay are in too.

    you rock. it makes me sad that someone as young and cool as you has the self loathing. you should try to hold it off until you are old and dilapidated, like me.
    .-= mindbodymama┬┤s last blog ..This blog has moved =-.

  6. heathen
    March 12, 2010

    YAY! You guys, we are going to have the best time EVER. What with all the animals and the great people and the outdoors and the good times. WHY HAVE WE NOT THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE?

  7. heathen
    March 12, 2010

    Also, Constance, all the hedgehogs we could ever want with no one to tell us it isn’t okay.

  8. Awesomeleah
    March 13, 2010

    So you made me cry. You evoked emotion in ME that made me cry. I hope this pleases you. If you ever stop writing I hope you know I’ll be forced to come and flog you to death.

    You do realize that my number ONE lesbian/bi former roommate seethes with jealousy over my love for you? That’s power my sweet little lady gay, that is power.

    You have a motherfucking gift & you will have to accept that shit.

    I love you and will definitely be in on the group marriage moving to Montana thing.

    What’s your favorite cake??

  9. Monica
    March 13, 2010

    i wish i was as funny as you. and that’s for reals.

  10. March 13, 2010

    just so the other monica doesn’t get accused of being nice, i’ll specify that i am a different, east-coast, monica.

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