God, you guys.  it’s 315am on Tuesday and I’ve been sitting in here for days trying to write.  I mean, I have literally not left this room. Janie thinks I go to work but really I just hide under the desk until she goes away and then I’m back here staring at the screen, waiting for something to show up.  I guess I expect this blog to write itself now.  I’m getting really hungry and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have peed in the cat litter boxes, but I can’t leave this place until there’s something to say and this is my last effort before I take myself down stairs and devise a way to run myself over with the car.  How?  I don’t know just yet.  I am sure I can find a way. I am very clever.

I know the last several posts have been more serious than usual and I appreciate your consideration while I get it out of my system.  NEVER FEAR!  I feel the crazy slowly coming back.  You can’t keep it away for long…not with this girl.  It lingers in the distance, ever vigilant, waiting for the opportunity to STRIKE when you least expect it, like at the grocery store where you scream out SKEET SKEET SKEET in the ice cream aisle for no reason.  Apologies to Janie because when people started to stare I pointed my finger at her and said, OH MAN.  You’re insane, lady!  Also you’re stealing a Snickers bar.  I saw you put it down your pants! I guess I get to pick her up from jail on Friday and that’s going to be a really uncomfortable ride home.  I know I shouldn’t expect her to be topless any time soon, but you know it won’t stop me from trying.  Word!

I just wanted to scribble a brief note to let you know I’m still out here trying to think of something clever and inappropriate.  You know, the quality entertainment you’ve come to expect from this quality website written by a quality homosexual.  That’s me.

I’ll be back soon and you’ll probably regret it.  It’s going to be bigger and better than ever and by better I mean worse because seriously?  What the hell are you talking about?  I don’t know either.  See.  You regret it already.  I’m glad we got that out of the way.

In closing, toilet paper is on sale at Fred Meyer -$ 9.99 for a 24-pack.  You can’t beat that.

Let’s talk again soon



  1. March 23, 2010

    Is it Charmin? It’s only worth it if it’s Charmin. The double roll too, not that crap single layer shit.

  2. Janie
    March 23, 2010

    I’m never going to the store with you again.

  3. March 24, 2010

    Well, phew… because it freaks me out just a little when dark introspective stuff happens on people’s blogs and I don’t know why, but most of the other commenters know exactly what’s going on because they’re relatives or spouses. I totally get why you might need to purge some of this stuff and I’d like to offer some warm, comforting insights, except I don’t know what’s going on so I just have to sit here silently wringing my hands. All that to say, I’m glad you’re emerging and I’m sure that my postcard from FRANCE will put you to rights
    .-= XUP´s last blog ..Paris Wrap-Up =-.

  4. March 25, 2010

    I’m having a hard time writing lately myself. Maybe somebody put a booger on us? The idea of people being run over by cars makes me laugh. The hefty boy in superbad when he gets hit? I will rewind that over and over b/c I love it so much. My Mom got run over when she was a child, obviously she lived but the very idea that she fell out, car ran over (gently I should add) her sends me into hysterics. That kind of means something is wrong with me doesn’t it?
    .-= leah´s last blog ..There is a name for what I am… =-.

  5. March 28, 2010

    I can completely empathize with you. Currently I have a project which I hope will go and make itself while I crappy movies
    .-= ramble´s last blog ..Please say please#*** =-.

  6. Cas
    March 28, 2010

    Thank god:

    “quality entertainment … quality website … quality homosexual” — we’ve come to expect nothing less! MONTANA! WOO!

  7. Cas
    March 28, 2010

    Ooh, one more thing about British actress Emma Thompson, who I *love* and WRITING:

    “Thompson, 50 … described how writing the screenplay for the film adaptation of Sense and Sensibility … helped her overcome another period of severe depression during the breakdown of her first marriage.

    She said: “The only thing I could do was write. I used to crawl from the bedroom to the computer and just sit and write, and then I was alright, because I was not present.

    “Sense and Sensibility really saved me from going under, I think, in a very nasty way.”

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