Yo! Yo! Yo!
So, look. NaBloPoMo was an abject failure up in this hizzy. I know that. But what is exciting is that today is the first day of a new month, but not just any month! OH NO! It is December, motherfuckers! The Christmas season! What business does a non-Christian have celebrating a month like this? One who loves Christmas carols, that’s who! As we speak, I’m listening to my 2009 holiday mix titled Yule Love This Christmas Mix! I’m on song #2, Christmastime by the Smashing Pumpkins.
In the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I’m going to have a NaBloPoMo redo and I’ll do my best to dazzle you with vulgar language for 31 straight days, even on my birthday which is December 29th and all I want is for someone to come to my house and do some cleaning and maybe complete some projects we’ve got going on in here. For example, I need someone to patch and paint my bathroom. Then maybe install new floors and a new toilet. Also, maybe tile the shower. And put in a new shower door. And a new bathroom fan. Then replace that light in the office with too many wires that looks like someone installed a bomb in our ceiling. Also, someone please build us a small fence. You guys, we could have so much fun having a work party at my house and it would be done so fast! I will buy some pizza. You will buy plane tickets and hotel rooms and whiskey.
Before I get too deep into December business, I think I need to tie up some loose November ends.
First of all, one of the motivating factors in doing NaBloPoMo is not the satisfaction of having completed something but the chance to win some prize from a stranger. I like to donate prizes because I said so, that’s why. And someone won! Congratulations to MissyBoo from Me and Boo.
I hope everyone out there had a super Thanksgiving. We had a good time at my sister’s house, eating turkey and something ridiculous like seven different pies. There was practically a pie for every person. Janie and her mom shared a gluten-free pumpkin pie and then Janie brought the rest home. Just last night she walked into the office with the last half of her pie and a fork and she told me, It isn’t what it looks like! I’m not eating this whole pie! I’m only eating a piece, but you know what? There is not even a crumb of that pie in sight – it’s totally gone. Where did it go? I think we know full well and good that I threw the rest of that disgusting pumpkin goo straight into the InSinkErator. Fuck that shit.
This evening I sighed up for a 5-week course on the Buddhist concept of loving-kindness. This shit’s about to get real zen, don’t you know! Word.
Welcome to December, bitches!