Several weeks back, I got a really nice email from Emily at Sound Bites, a company that makes hummus and chimichurri, and she suggested I come down to our local farmer’s market to check out their products. Well, I love hummus and I had never tried chimichurri before but thought it sounded familiar. Then I thought, hey man, aren’t those little animals that roll around in the dust to clean themselves? Don’t they sell them at Petco? But you know what, Internet, those are chinchillas. Apparently chimichurri is something wholly unrelated. So I emailed her back and said I’d drop by sometime. Well, that was a while ago and I’m sure Emily thought I’d forgotten, but I do not forget about delicious foodstuffs, Emily. Seriously, I’m so sure.
About couple weeks ago we were out to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law and I had mentioned Emily’s email. My sister perked up immediately and asked all sorts of questions about the products and company name and went on and on about crackers. Apparently someone had brought some crackers and hummus to work one day and she was crazy for it. Seriously, she would not shut up about the crackers, even when I tempted her with a salted caramel cupcake. So when I mentioned the email and the details, she was excited, which is why I took her with me yesterday when Gus and I decided it was time to taste-test some hummus.
We found a parking spot right away, which is unusual because there is never a parking spot readily available in Ballard on any given day, let alone on a Sunday near the farmer’s market. But my sister has some good parking karma so there we were, until some d-bag who had passed by moments earlier, decided it was appropriate to back up and block our access to the spot so he could take it. I was horrified by the injustice! I wanted to get out and say some things, but my sister said no, no let it go. Maybe someone will slash his tires while he’s gone, and I thought that maybe wasn’t good enough. That is why, as we drove by him to find a new spot, I screamed DICK! out the window. That’ll teach him.
We found another spot and meandered toward the market as Gus dallied at every brick wall and telephone pole and used tissue in his sight. After a quick stop at Snacks!, the store with nothing but SNACKS!, we found our way to the Sound Bites booth where a nice young man was offering samples and selling small cartons of delicious things. My sister inquired about the crackers (they didn’t have them for sale there) and then I tried some of their hummus. Delicious.
I just want you to know that I’m not saying this because they paid me to, or even because they gave me free food – which they didn’t (but Emily offered, which was nice). I bought it.
Actually, that’s a lie. My sister bought it for me. I was wrangling Gus so I couldn’t get my money out in time. I am not a deadbeat. I WILL PAY YOU BACK, JENNIFER! (She doesn’t think I’m going to pay her back. I know it. She didn’t say so, but I can feel her judgment even these 11 blocks away.) Also, I did not drop that cupcake that I was holding for you – it fell. It fell even if it looked like I flung it into the street. Seriously.
Sadly, I didn’t get to meet Emily and the guy there didn’t know her or if she would be back another week and now I’m pretty sure “Emily” doesn’t even work there. She doesn’t even know what hummus is. Emily thinks chimichurri is a rodent native to the Andes mountain. ADMIT IT, EMILY. ADMIT IT!
In closing, Emily is a lie and Sound Bites is absolutely delicious. In fact, I’m going to bribe Janie with it right now. One bite of hummus for one top off.
Also, Emily, if you do in fact exist and work for Sound Bites, and if you want to sell me more chimmichurri and hummus and, apparently, crackers for my sister so she’ll shut up about them already, I’d like to invite you to do so. I am happy to return to the market with Augustus and we are happy to meet you and enjoy your company and take your picture and retract the vicious lies I’m spreading about you, such as: Emily hit me with her car when I was walking to the bus this morning. Before she drove off, she threw a box of angry chinchillas on me. Did you know they spray urine when they’re upset? Well, Emily apparently did. You cannot get that smell out of your hair for anything. EMILY!