Several times a day I like to tell Janie that she’s being watched. Because she is.
About two weeks ago we went to a little store in Seattle called Archie McPhee and before I had to make a mad dash out of there because something horrible was happening to my bottom system, I purchased several small plastic figures and a pack of 7 fake mustaches (one for every day of the week!).
First I tried wearing the mustaches and then smooching on my lady until it freaked her out so much that she refused to come near me with any of them on. Gussy managed to tear them off and try to eat them before I got any pictures and by then they wouldn’t even stick on Ducati’s face. Now all I have is a 7-pack of stickless mustaches and no photographs of anyone wearing any of them, except for this:
This is one of many plastic figures watching Janie. I’ve taken to hiding this and others around the house for Janie to find. It is ridiculous and it irritates her to no end, especially when I come up on her, tell her she’s being watched and then stare at her smirking and giggling as she searches frantically for it and calls me an asshole.
It was all fun and games until I found the plastic mule, Derek, watching me in the shower:
I guess it was only a matter of time until she used my own scheme against me, but I have to say, I don’t like it. Not one bit.
Currently, Derek is missing. Watching me. I don’t know where.
Here are the others, keeping an eye on Janie for me while I run errands and hatch new plans for driving her insane, like I’m a 7 year old boy.
Angry Business Lady and Coffee Drinking Business Guy are watching you, Janie, and they want you to take off your top.
Walter the Ninja makes sure she isn’t changing the channel during my stories:
Carol the Nun wants Janie to lay off the caffeine.
JoJo the Other Nun just waits to scare her. I didn’t put her there…she climbed in herself because, well, JoJo is just a bitch.
Cecil the Pony watches from the bedroom lamp to let me know when Janie wastes electricity. Also, he likes to watch her sleep. He says she is so pretty when she is sleeping.
Pooter the Pony watches Janie from the pet food corner in the kitchen. He does not like the way she’s holding that knife.