You taught my brother, sister and myself at one point or another.  Always with the same plaid skirts, brown hosiery, white blouse and unmovable hair.  You are the kindest Catholic nun I’ve ever met. When my sister was in your class, she mad a Santa out of an oatmeal container.

You were, really, the first lady I ever had a crush on.  I’m sure I only came off as weird.  Story of my life. You were a fun teacher, even if you were too embarrassed to read to us from those sex ed booklets, and made us do it instead.

We first met when I was eight and you cut my hair like Dorothy Hamill, at my mothers request.  You cut and permed the hell out of my hair for many years after that.   I adored your southern accent. You reminded me of Blanche on Golden Girls, only less whorey.

Or, “Fuck, man. This is better than Disneyland!”1
I’ve been reading the Left Behind series and then I watched part of the History channel’s Armageddon week and I’m here to clear up any misconceptions you may have on the subject because I consider my Doomsday studies to be complete and myself at the forefront of End Times knowledge.  For example, I now know that Armageddon is NOT about how Bruce Willis will save us from an asteroid when NASA sends him into outer space with his surly team of misfits.  …

While Mother Nature sticks her middle finger up at everyone in Seattle and makes it snow like crazy, you can enjoy this awesome video of frozen people at Grand Central.

In other news, it’s April first!  Happy April Fools!  YAY!
I don’t have any elaborate pranks planned.  Maybe when I get home I’ll break up with Janie, which I do every year.  It hardly makes it worth it because she stopped crying a few Aprils back.
Maybe I’ll pull a fast one on Gus and when he thinks he’s crapping on the living …