Armageddon, A Tutorial (Part I)

Or, “Fuck, man. This is better than Disneyland!”1

I’ve been reading the Left Behind series and then I watched part of the History channel’s Armageddon week and I’m here to clear up any misconceptions you may have on the subject because I consider my Doomsday studies to be complete and myself at the forefront of End Times knowledge.  For example, I now know that Armageddon is NOT about how Bruce Willis will save us from an asteroid when NASA sends him into outer space with his surly team of misfits.  That was just a movie.

Armageddon is where the final battle between God and the Devil will take place.    Some people believe Armageddon to be a derivative of some Greek and Hebrew stuff that basically boils down to a place called Megiddo (or Har-Megiddo, Har meaning funny and Megiddo meaning that place over there where they’re fighting)  where many ancient battles were fought.  If you need to find a  place in your mind’s eye to follow along visually, think of Armageddon as a WalMart the day after Thanksgiving.  Some Christians believe thee Last Judgment will not take place at Mageddon, rather in the Valley of Jehosephat, named after a young boy who was relentlessly teased in school because of his thyroid condition.  He smote them all in a valley and then said, of his thyroid afflicted comrades (as reported by King James), “I will also gather all nations, and will bring them down into the valley of Jehoshaphat, and will plead with them there for my people and for my heritage Israel, whom they have scattered among the nations, and parted my land.”  It looks like one group of Christians will be pretty disappointed on  the day of Armageddon when they show up to their special spot and realize their tickets only get them front row seats to a monster truck rally (I went to a monster truck rally once, when I was younger.  It was very loud and we left after 15 minutes because, hey, monster truck rallies are stupid).

Dispensationalists believe in a literal interpretation of Armageddon from the Book of Revelations.  In case you didn’t know, because you’re not a religious scholar like me, dispensationalism is, basically, the evangelical arm of Christianity brought to us by the Protestants.  Dispensation means to dispense, or give out, especially when and where not wanted.  These are the people who preach to us about the Rapture.  These are also the people who brought us the Left Behind series, Jerry Falwell (hey, side note regarding this piece of shit Falwell, his ex-speech writer turned gay activist is competing on the current season of the Amazing Race with his son) and Kirk Cameron.  For brevity, we’re going to stick with this dispensationalist version of events.

One important thing to remember is that The Rapture and Armageddon are not the same thing, but are somewhat related.  Let me break it down for you.

The Rapture is the event in which certain Christians, true Christians, not you bullshit Christians who only go to church on Christmas and Easter because they give free donuts and coffee, are swept from Earth to heaven, to chill with Jesus in his infinite crib in the sky, where they will remain until some time later, when the shit starts hitting the fan.

Rapture is derived from the Latin term Raptus, meaning to rap, or to beat box while talking about your gat and your bitches.  The Greek term is harpazo, meaning to harp on, or pester.  All together it means to be taken away in the beauty and splendor of angels with trumpet music and fanfare while the rest of us are left to toil away in a world without art.  Or something.  Honestly, I made that up.

According to Aurelia T. Fule, some lady living in New Mexico, the Rapture can be broken down into five acts, as told in Thessalonians.  First, we have The Return of Christ, followed by the Resurrection of Believers, then comes the Rapture of Living Believers, next comes the Big Trip to Heaven and lastly, we will experience Reassurance, Comfort and Encouragement.  Unless you’re burning in Hell.

Pre-Tribulationists believe that The Rapture will happen before the Tribulation period.  Others believe it can happen in the middle or at the end.  The Bible is like that – so confusing.  It’s a miracle anyone can make sense of it at all, but thank God for the evangelicals.  They make everything so much easier for the rest of us by translating the Bible with their special decoder glossolalia.  So for brevity’s sake I’m sticking with Pre-Tribulationist ideas because that’s what the Left Behind series is talking about, and it appears to give me a chance to change my mind about loving the Lord in the middle of all the shit going down.

So picture it, Earth, December 2012.  Millions of people disappear completely.  Chaos.  Car accidents, plane crashes, explosions, death, dismemberment, live nude girls, total mayhem.  Serious shit is going down.  People are freaking.  No one can find Ja Rule.

Then comes the Tribulation.  This is serious shit, right here.  Those of us left have a choice to make.  We’re either with the evil-doers or against the evil-doers.  If you’re like me, and you plan to take this second-chance opportunity to say NAY! to the Antichrist and YAY! to the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ when you notice all those piles of clothes and cell phones and purses and wallets filled with money people no longer need littering the streets and sidewalks, so they won’t miss it when you take it, then you’re in for a long, hard fight for your very soul.  Everyone else is just fucked.  Totally fucked.  Sorry about that, but the choice will be yours.  There is still time, Janie.

The Tribulation is a seven year period of time after the Rapture of  believers, where the left-over, awakened followers of God go through some troubled times, my friends.  The Antichrist, not to be confused with Annie Christ of Burning Well, PA, will rise up with his partner in crime, the False Prophet or The Beast (not to be confused with that new show starring Patrick Swayze or my sister’s dog).  Two witnesses will appear.  They will be unstoppable.  They will preach the word of God and breathe fire out of their mouths to kill those who try to stop them.  They will be wicked cool.  I want to be one of them.  Janie can be the other.  We will fire-breathe the shit out of everyone who tries to cheat us or steal our donuts and bacon.

“‘And I will give power to my two witnesses, and they will prophesy one thousand two hundred and sixty days, clothed in sackcloth.’ These are the two olive trees and the two lampstands standing before the God of the earth. And if anyone wants to harm them, fire proceeds from their mouth and devours their enemies. And if anyone wants to harm them, he must be killed in this manner. these have power to shut heaven, so that no rain falls in the days of their prophecy; and they have power over waters to turn them to blood, and to strike the earth with all plagues, as often as they desire. When they finish their testimony, the beast that ascends out of the bottomless pit will make war against them, overcome them, and kill them. And their dead bodies will lie in the street of the great city which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified. Then those from the peoples, tribes, tongues, and nations will see their dead bodies three-and-a-half days, and not allow their dead bodies to be put into the graves. And those who dwell on the earth will rejoice over them, make merry, and send gifts to one another, because these two prophets tormented those who dwell on the earth. Now after three-and-a-half days the breath of life from God entered them, and they stood on their feet, and great fear fell on those who saw them. And they heard a loud voice from heaven saying to them, ‘Come up here.’ And they ascended to heaven in a cloud, and their enemies saw them. In the same hour there was a great earthquake, and a tenth of the city fell. In the earthquake seven thousand people were killed, and the rest were afraid and gave glory to the God of heaven.” (Revelation 11:3-13 – New King James Version)

AWESOME.  This is like the most perfect ending to Xena: Warrior Princess.  THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED.  Seriously.  In my mind, Xena and Gabrielle were fire-breathing, drought-inducing plague bringers and when they were killed by the devil on their way to that place that time, they lay in the street for three days and then came back to life.  Again.  No, not like that one time.  This will be different.  And then what, motherfuckers?  THEN WHAT!?  That’s right.  ZIP!  Off to heaven, where they will make sweet, sweet gay lesbian love for all of eternity.  Who else needs a cigarette?

Next up, in Jerusalem, a Third Temple will be built.  This is incredibly important to religious Jews.  They’ve been praying for it since the destruction of the Second Temple in 70.  Not 1970, just 70.  You’d think they could just build a temple and be done with it now, right?  Well, you’d be wrong.  The Third Temple has to be built on the same place as the Second Temple.  The problem is that there is already some stuff occupying that space and it’s protected as a matter of “international obligation.” Also, some people think it might not be the right place, anyway, and wouldn’t it suck if you went through all that trouble only to find out you built it about 500 feet to the left of where it was really supposed to be built?  Dispensationalists believe that the Temple will be rebuilt when the the Antichrist creates peace between Israel and it’s Muslim neighbors.  This is all after a war between Russia and the US where Sarah Palin will watch those commie bastards firing bombs from that scrap of land across the ocean into her house, destroying  Todd’s snowmachine racing awards.  The war will ruin the US and Russia either from nuclear fallout or that pesky Rapture or, perhaps, BOTH.  That bastard Antichrist will then use the Third Temple to declare himself God and demand we worship him in all his evil glory.  We are either with him or against him and JANIE, YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE!  We can fight this son of a bitch together along with our reformed friends and, in our eventual death, bask in the glory of God’s love as good friends, not lovers, because that’s unnatural and ungodly.

Then comes the heavy-hitting stuff.  The Judgments.  This is where you should maybe get up, have a stretch and think about your life.  Get a sip of coffee and a snack.  Carrots are delicious.

First, we have the Seven Seal Judgments.  This has nothing to do with Heidi Klum’s husband and trying to figure out what happened to his face  (I’m guessing knife fight with a hooker).  It has everything to do with your immortal soul.  The first seal releases the Antichrist upon the earth atop a pretty white pony.  At the outset, he’ll appear to be a decent guy.  Sort of like how cats appear cute and fluffy and sweet, but the moment you forget to scoop a litterbox, they shit on your pillow and scratch your face.  The second seal changes the white pony to one of a fiery red.  OOHH…a pony on fire, running free across the plains!  This means that the Antichrist will show his true, murderous colors and he’ll start wars, like he’s playing a quick game of Risk with some kids from school back in 1984.  The third seal opens and the apocalyptic horse is now black, like a piece of burnt toast.  Famine and disease plague the land and we’ll all start to starve and die.  Seal number four turns the pony to a pale color.  That horse is dying and so are the rest of us.  Roughly a quarter of the world populations will die.  Make amends while you can, friends.  Those nonbelievers who die go to Hades, a place of torment, until the 1000 years are up (to be covered in a future installment!) after which those sad sacks will go to fire and brimstone and a Celine Dion concert.  Seal number five will have all the martyrs of heaven railing against God, asking why he is letting all this happen, begging him to end the suffering on Earth, trying to offer him a Snickers to satisfy him.  He will not give in, because the Bible says he can’t give in and maybe God can’t change his mind?  The next seal is perpetrated directly by the hand of God and, I shit you not, if I am still alive I’m going to freak the fuck out.  EARTHQUAKE!  So fierce that every piece of land and every mountain will be moved.  And can you believe it – some people (Janie) will not be swayed!  They will not believe and open their hearts to God.  Seriously?  What will it take?  Maybe seal number seven will do it for you, when an angel throws shit at the earth and causes lightning and thunder and another earthquake.  Seven angels will line up for the next seven judgments called *TOOT! TOOT! TOOT!* The Trumpet Judgments.

(to be continued…)


Please enjoy this Armageddon flow chart.

1Quoted from Apocalypse Now


  1. April 1, 2009

    Well at the very least even if Janie won’t surrender to God, while she’s distracted by tall the earthquakes fire, seals and ponies you ought to be able to whip her shirt off.

  2. April 2, 2009

    My God!! December 2012 you say? I’m quitting my job right now and liquidating all my assets so I can join you and your kind. Thanks for the heads up.

  3. April 3, 2009

    This was beautiful.

  4. heathen
    April 3, 2009

    Thank you very much lise and Prudence.
    Bandobras – you are brilliant!
    XUP – my kind and i welcome you with open arms.

  5. Bud
    April 4, 2009

    (What follows is the greatest hoax in religion in the past two centuries. The rapture is Crapture! This article, BTW, is now being featured on the “Powered by Christ Ministries” site and the rapturists are mad! Bud)


    by Dave MacPherson

    When I began my research in 1970 into the exact beginnings of the pretribulation rapture belief still held by many evangelicals, I assumed that the rapture debate involved only “godly scholars with honest differences.” The paper you are now reading reveals why I gave up that assumption many years ago. With this introduction-of-sorts in mind, let’s take a long look at the pervasive dishonesty throughout the history of the 179-year-old pretrib rapture theory:

    Mid-1820’s – German scholar Max Weremchuk’s work “John Nelson Darby” (1992) included what Benjamin Newton revealed about John Darby in the mid-1820’s during his pre-Brethren days as an Anglican clergyman:
    “J. N. Darby was a very subtle man. He had been a lawyer, or at least educated for the law. Once he wanted his Archbishop to pursue a certain course, when he (J.N.D.) was a curate in his diocese. He wrote a letter, therefore, saying he had been educated for the law, knew what the legal course would properly be; and then having written that clearly, he mystified the remainder of the letter both in word and in handwriting, and ended up by saying: You see, my Lord, such being the legal aspect of the case it would unquestionably be the best course for you to pursue, etc. And the Archbishop couldn’t make out the legal part, but rested on Darby’s word and did as he advised. Darby afterwards laughed over it, and indeed he showed a copy of the letter to Tregelles. This is not mentioned in the Archbishop’s biography, but in it is the fact that he spoke of Darby as ‘the most subtle man in my diocese.'”
    This reminds me of an 1834 letter by Darby which spoke of the “Lord’s coming.” Darby added, concerning this coming, that “the thoughts are new” and that during any teaching of it “it would not be well to have it so clear.” Darby’s deviousness here was his usage of a centuries-old term – “Lord’s coming” – to cover up his desire to sneak the new pretrib idea into existing posttrib groups in very low-profile ways!
    1830 – In the spring of 1830 a young Scottish lassie, Margaret Macdonald, came up with the novel notion of a catching up [rapture] of Spirit-filled “church” members before Antichrist’s “trial” [tribulation] of non-Spirit-filled “church” members – the first instance I’ve found of clear “pretrib” teaching (which was part of a partial rapture scheme). In Sep. 1830 “The Morning Watch” (a journal produced by London preacher Edward Irving and his “Irvingite” followers, some of whom had visited Margaret a few weeks earlier) began repeating her original thoughts and even her wording but gave her no credit – the first plagiarism I’ve found in pretrib history. Darby was still defending posttrib in Dec. 1830.
    Pretrib promoters have long known the significance of her main point: a rapture of “church” members BEFORE the revealing of Antichrist. Which is why John Walvoord quoted nothing in her revelation, why Thomas Ice habitually skips over her main point but quotes lines BEFORE and AFTER it, and why Hal Lindsey muddies up her main point so he can (falsely) assert that she was NOT a pretribber! (Google “X-Raying Margaret” for info about her.)
    NOTE: The development of the 1800’s is thoroughly documented in my book “The Rapture Plot.” You’ll learn that Darby wasn’t original on any chief aspect of dispensationalism (but plagiarized the Irvingites); that pretrib was initially based on only OT and NT symbols and not clear Scripture; that the symbols included the Jewish feasts, the two witnesses, and the man child – symbols adopted by Darby during most of his career; that Darby’s later reminiscences exaggerated his earliest pretrib development, and that today’s defenders such as Thomas Ice have further overstated what Darby overstated; that Irvingism didn’t need later reminiscences to “clarify” its own early pretrib development; that ancient hymns and even the writings of the Reformers were subtly revised to make it appear they had taught pretrib; and that after Darby’s death a clever revisionist quietly made many changes in early Irvingite and Brethren documents in order to steal credit for pretrib away from the Irvingites (and their female inspiration!) and give it dishonestly to Darby! (Before continuing, Google the “Powered by Christ Ministries” site and read “America’s Pretrib Rapture Traffickers” – a sample of the current exciting internetism!)
    1920 – Charles Trumbull’s book “The Life Story of C. I. Scofield” told only the dispensationally-correct side of his life. Two recent books, Joseph Canfield’s “The Incredible Scofield and His Book” (1988) and David Lutzweiler’s “DispenSinsationalism: C. I. Scofield’s Life and Errors” (2006), reveal the other side including his being jailed as a forger, dishonestly giving himself a non-conferred “D.D.” etc. etc.!
    1967 – Brethren scholar Harold Rowdon’s “The Origins of the Brethren” quoted Darby associate Lord Congleton who was “disgusted with…the falseness” of Darby’s accounts of things. Rowdon also quoted historian William Neatby who said that others felt that “the time-honoured method of single combat” was as good as anything “to elicit the truth” from Darby. (In other words, knock it out of him!)
    1972 – Tim LaHaye’s “The Beginning of the End” (1972) plagiarized Hal Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” (1970).
    1976 – Charles Ryrie”s “The Living End” (1976) plagiarized Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” (1970) and “There’s A New World Coming” (1973).
    1976 – After John Walvoord’s “The Blessed Hope and the Tribulation” (1976) brutally twisted Robert Gundry’s “The Church and the Tribulation” (1973), Gundry composed and circulated a 35-page open letter to Walvoord which repeatedly charged the Dallas Seminary president with “misrepresentation,” “misrepresentations” (and variations)!
    1981 – “The Fundamentalist Phenomenon” (1981) by Jerry Falwell, Ed Dobson, and Ed Hindson heavily plagiarized George Dollar’s 1973 book “A History of Fundamentalism in America.”
    1984 – After a prof at Southeastern College of the Assemblies of God in Florida told me that the No. 2 man at the AG world headquarters in Missouri – Joseph Flower – had the label of posttrib, my wife and I had two hour-long chats with him. He verified what I had been told. But we were dumbstruck when he told us that although AG ministers are required to promote pretrib, privately they can believe any other rapture view! Flower said that his father, an AG co-founder, was also posttrib. We also learned while in Springfield that when the AG’s were organized in 1914, the initial group was divided between posttribs and pretribs – but that the pretribs shouted louder which resulted in that denomination officially adopting pretrib! (For details on this and other pretrib double-mindedness, Google “Pretrib Hypocrisy.”)
    1989 – Since 1989 Thomas Ice has referred to the “Mac-theory” (his reference to my research), giving the impression there’s no solid evidence that Macdonald was the real pretrib originator. But Ice carefully conceals the fact that no eminent church historian of the 1800’s – whether Plymouth Brethren or Irvingite – credited Darby with pretrib. Instead, they uniformly credited leading Irvingite sources, all of which upheld the Scottish lassie’s contribution! Moreover, I’m hardly the only modern scholar seeing significance in Irvingism’s territory. Others in recent years who have noted it, but who haven’t mined it as deeply as I have, include Fuller, Ladd, Bass, Rowdon, Sandeen, and Gundry.
    1989 – Greg Bahnsen and Kenneth Gentry produced evidence in 1989 that Lindsey’s book “The Road to Holocaust” (1989) plagiarized “Dominion Theology” (1988) by H. Wayne House and Thomas Ice.
    1990 – David Jeremiah’s and C. C. Carlson’s “Escape the Coming Night” (1990) massively plagiarized Lindsey’s 1973 book “There’s A New World Coming.” (For more info, type in “Thieves’ Marketing” on MSN or Google.)
    1991 – Paul Lee Tan’s “A Pictorial Guide to Bible Prophecy” (1991) plagiarized large amounts of Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” (1970).
    1991 – Militant Darby defender R. A. Huebner claimed in 1991 to have found new evidence that Darby was pretrib as early as 1827 – three years before Macdonald. Halfway through his book Huebner suddenly admitted that his evidence could refer to something completely un-rapturesque. Even though Thomas Ice admitted to me that he knew that Huebner had “blown” his so-called evidence, prevaricator Ice continues to tell the world that Huebner has “positive evidence” that Darby was pretrib in 1827! Ice also conceals the fact that Darby, in his own 1827 paper, was looking for only “the restitution of all things” and “the times of refreshing” (Acts 3:19,21) – which Scofield doesn’t see fulfilled until AFTER a future tribulation!
    1992 – Tim LaHaye’s “No Fear of the Storm” (1992) plagiarized Walvoord’s “The Blessed Hope and the Tribulation” (1976).
    1992 – This was when the Los Angeles Times revealed that “The Magog Factor” (1992) by Hal Lindsey and Chuck Missler was a monstrous plagiarism of Prof. Edwin Yamauchi’s scholarly 1982 work “Foes from the Northern Frontier.” Four months after this exposure, Lindsey and Missler stated they had stopped publishing and promoting their book. But in 1996 Dr. Yamauchi learned that the dishonest duo had issued a 1995 book called “The Magog Invasion” which still had a substantial amount of the same plagiarism! (If Lindsey and Missler ever need hernia operations, I predict that the doctors will tell them not to lift anything for a long time!)
    1994 – In 1996 it was revealed that Lindsey’s “Planet Earth – 2000 A.D. (1994) had an embarrassing amount of plagiarism of a Texe Marrs book titled “Mystery Mark of the New Age” (1988).
    1995 – My book “The Rapture Plot” reveals the dishonesty in Darby’s reprinted works. It’s often hard to tell who wrote the footnotes and when. It’s easy to believe that the notes, and also unsigned phrases inside brackets within the text, were a devious attempt by someone (Darby? his editor?) to portray a Darby far more developed in pretrib thinking than he actually had been at the time. I found that some of the “additives” had been taken from Darby’s much later works, when he was more developed, and placed next to or inside his earliest works! One footnote by Darby’s editor, attached to Darby’s 1830 paper, actually stated that “it was not worth while either suppressing or changing” anything in this work! If his editor wasn’t open to such dishonesty, how can we explain such a statement?
    Post-1995 – Thomas Ice’s article “Inventor of False Pre-Trib Rapture History” states that my book “The Rapture Plot” is “only one of the latest in a series of revisions of his original discourse….” And David Reagan in his article “The Origin of the Concept of a Pre-Tribulation Rapture” repeats Ice’s falsehood by claiming that I have republished my first book “over the years under several different titles.”
    Although my book repeats a bit of the Macdonald origin of pretrib (for new readers), all of my books are packed with new material not found in my other works. For some clarification, “The Incredible Cover-Up” has photos of pertinent places in Ireland, Scotland, and England not found in my later books plus several chapters dealing with theological arguments; “The Great Rapture Hoax” quotes scholars throughout the Church Age, covers Scofield’s hidden side, a section on Powerscourt, the 1980 election, the Jupiter Effect, Gundry’s change, and more theological arguments; “The Rapture Plot” reveals for the first time the Great Evangelical Revisionism/Robbery and includes appendices on miscopying, plagiarism, etc.; and “The Three R’s” shows hypocritical evangelicals employing occultic beliefs they say they have long opposed!
    So Thomas Ice etc. are twisting truth when they claim I am only a revisionist. Do they really think that my publishers DON’T know what I’ve previously written?
    Re arguments, Google “Pretrib Rapture – Hidden Facts” and also obtain “The End Times Passover” and “Why Christians Will Suffer ‘Great Tribulation’ ” (AuthorHouse, 2006) by media personality Joe Ortiz.
    1997 – For years Harvest House Publishers has owned and been republishing Lindsey’s book “There’s A New World Coming.” During the same time Lindsey has been peddling his reportedly “new” book “Apocalyse Code” (1997), much of which is word-for-word the same as the Harvest House book – and there’s no notice of “simultaneous publishing” in either book! Talk about pretrib greed!
    1997 – This is the year I discovered that more than 50 pages of Dallas Seminary professor Merrill Unger’s book “Beyond the Crystal Ball” (Moody Press, 1973) constituted a colossal plagiarism of Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” (1970). After Lindsey’s book came out, Unger had complained that Lindsey’s book had plagiarized his classroom lecture notes. It was evident that Unger felt that he too should cash in on his own lectures! (The detailed account of this Dallas Seminary dishonesty is revealed in my 1998 book “The Three R’s.”)
    1998 – Tim LaHaye’s “Understanding the Last Days” (1998) plagiarized Lindsey’s “There’s A New World Coming” (1973).
    1999 – More than 200 pages (out of 396 pages) in Lindsey’s 1999 book “Vanished Into Thin Air” are virtually carbon copies of pages in his 1983 book “The Rapture” – with no “updated” or “revised” notice included! Lindsey has done the same nervy thing with several of his books, something that has allowed him to live in million-dollar-plus homes and drive cars like Ferraris! (See my Google articles “Deceiving and Being Deceived” and “Thieves’ Marketing” for further evidence of this notably pretrib vice.)
    2000 – A Jack Van Impe article “The Moment After” (2000) plagiarized Grant Jeffrey’s book “Final Warning” (1995).
    2001 – Since 2001 my web article “Walvoord’s Posttrib ‘Varieties’ – Plus” has been exposing his devious muddying up of posttrib waters. In some of his books he invented four “distinct” and “contradictory” posttrib divisions, claiming that they are either “classic” or “semiclassic” or “futurist” or “dispensational” – distinctions that disappear when analyzed! His “futurist” group holds to a literal future tribulation and a literal millennium but doesn’t embrace “any day” imminency. But his “dispensational” group has the same non-imminency! Moreover, tribulational futurism is found in every group except the first one, and he somehow admitted that a literal millennium is in all four groups! On the other hand, it’s the pretribs who consistently disagree with each other over their chief points and subpoints – but somehow end up agreeing that there will be a pretrib rapture! (See my chapter “A House Divided” in my book “The Incredible Cover-Up.”)
    2001 – Since my “Deceiving and Being Deceived” web item which exposed the claims for Pseudo-Ephraem” and “Morgan Edwards” as teachers of pretrib, there has been a piranha-like frenzy on the part of pretrib bodyguards and their duped groupies to “discover” almost anything before 1830 walking upright on two legs that seemed to have at least a remote hint of pretrib! (An exemplary poster boy for such pretrib practice is Grant Jeffrey. To get your money’s worth, Google “Wily Jeffrey.”)

    FINALLY: Don’t take my word for any of the above. Read my 300-page book “The Rapture Plot” which has a jillion more documented details on the long-hidden but now-revealed history of the dishonest, 179-year-old, fringe-British-invented, American-merchandised-until-the-real-bad-stuff-happens pretribulation rapture fad. If this book of mine doesn’t “move” you, I will personally refund what you paid for it!

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