I should just quit right now

That title would be funnier if I’d managed to write anything in the last six months that was worth reading. Sorry babies, Mama’s having a bit of a dry spell, like that one time from 1991-1999, only worse.

Have no fear, my ladies and gentlemen! I have several ideas for you to point your cervix at (link expired, sorry!) and click.

If you read Bake and Shake (if you don’t, and you won’t consider clicking on that link, I don’t want to know you because you probably hate kitties, puppies and babies, too and you’ll just have to answer to Jesus for that one) than you may already be a fan of her tumblr titled Hey, Stop It.  If, for some unbelievable reason, you are unaware, let me just give you one god damn reason why you need to read everything this woman writes.  EVERYTHING, even that 4th grade essay on barrettes.

And then a song comes on, and that song can be a song that you know or that you have just in this moment met and married in Vegas in front of Wheelchair Elvis, but this song moves you and your body and suddenly it is all over. Let’s do this. Let’s pass off the drinks, and begin to do things with your body that you could never dream of. This is what it feels like to be the best stripper ever, or maybe a figure skater, or maybe Lacey Schwimmer. This is what it feels like to be a horse jockey in a derby in Kentucky. This is what it feels like to be acid-washed and punched with metal studs and worn by a fifth-grader in 1987 with feathered hair and double-lace LA GEAR puffy hi-tops. You are in sync with the universe, you are yourself in twenty-five years at your daughter’s wedding reception wearing poly-blend and ash-blonde highlights dancing with a work aqquaintence and you are suddenly so rhythmically drunk that it does not matter that you have bent over at the waist and let your ass bore a hole into something that is either the crotch of a stranger, or the gates of heaven.

I know, right?  Seriously.

Also, my good friends at Lesbotronic have let me deface a part of their website and write a little something to inspire the ladies who are there looking for other ladies.  Check it out and then tell your friends who are ladies looking for other ladies that Lesbotronic is redesigned and FREE.

Also, this is one of the most beautiful things I have seen all year. [via]

One last thing: Gus wants you all to know that he is very, very naughty.  VERY NAUGHTY AND BITEY.  If he wasn’t cute, he’d be dead right now.  That’s what I keep telling him.

4 Comments

  1. March 5, 2009

    Goddamn, Linsey. You just made my week, and doubly so because I think you’re hilarious and every time I read your site, I leave so glad that I did. Thank you, so much.

    I just kidnapped Gus. Apologies to you and the missus.

  2. March 5, 2009

    i’m sorry to say that you couldn’t beat me off with a stick. or rocks.

    thanks for the god damn amazing links, they are very cool.

    LOVE the masthead, you could make a living doing that. you know that right?

  3. March 5, 2009

    i just read your lesbotronic article and is was FANTASTIC! i didn’t see a place to leave a comment there so i just drove back over here.

    i’ve already emailed the link one of my other favorite lesbian lady friend.

  4. heathen
    March 5, 2009

    Aw, thanks, Leah. 🙂

    If you know someone who wants to pay me to make a masthead, send them my way, I’ll totally do it.

    You’re the best! There will be no beatings.

Comments are closed.