Look at all that shit on the side of the road!  What is that?  Look at all that shit!
Uh-huh.
Look at all that shi- oh, wait.  It’s plants.  It’s just plants.
…
But not that.  That’s a bucket.

This photo was taken 29 years ago.  I turned three years old and got a delicious cake made from a box (yellow cake, chocolate frosting – still a favorite!), a faux fur coat and a musical teddy bear.  (My mom gave all three of us the same haircut for many years, until that one time I got hold of some craft scissors.)  Three was among the great birthdays of my life and while 32 isn’t mind-blowing – I didn’t get my driver’s license (16) or throw up on my sister’s …

Wishing you all the best this holiday season.  Thank you for your comments and insight, your joy and humor and, most of all, for enduring post after post about how my wife won’t take off her shirt.  Whatever holiday it is you celebrate, or even if you don’t celebrate any, I wish you great health and happiness now and into the new year.  May we all enjoy a 2009 with topless wives and piles of delicious bacon and donuts.  Amen.

Anyone who stops in the middle of a sidewalk, aisle, other walkway, completely oblivious to the people behind or around them. MOVE TO THE SIDE, ASSHOLE.
People who do not give a courtesy wave after I let them cut in front of me in traffic.
Yeah, you. You know who you are.
People who steal other people’s stuff. Stuff they worked hard for while these thieves fucked around and decided the only skill they had was to steal shit that doesn’t belong to them.
People who dally in the crosswalk.
People who get up to …

Happy Chanukah, ya’ll.