Anecdote

Before I tell you something gross, here are two websites have made me laugh today:

Check out LizzieLou’s depiction of me (and read the rest of her blog because she is HILARIOUS).

Next, head on over to shitbrain, because hello!? So funny.

*****

I had a follow-up appointment today for my sinus surgery. The doctor said there was a lot of crud jammed up in my nose and asked if I wanted him to clean it out and, at first, I thought I’d do it, but then decided he should, because the last time I attempted to clean up in there it was bleeding and sore for two straight days. He stuck some tweezers deep in my right nostril. I thought he was going to stab my brain, it was so far up there. And then he latched on to something and started tugging. TUGGING. I am not even joking about this. It wasn’t going to budge, and he tried a few more time before resorting to trying to wiggle it loose until I felt this rip and out popped this warm, gooey, crusty, massive bloody chip. It was about an inch and a half long and a half-inch wide and it was so cool and disgusting all at the same time. Suddenly my nostril was clear and I could breathe! I wish I had taken a picture of it. He tried to get the one on the left to budge, but quit after it wouldn’t give and I recoiled from the worsening pain. He told me it was loose, and would come out on its own at some point. I hope I’m on the bus or at Starbucks when that giant bloody mass falls out of my nose. Just to see what people do. Don’t worry, next time I’ll take a picture.

6 Comments

  1. November 19, 2008

    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Ummm…yeah. AHHHH! OK. Deep breaths…trying not to faint…

  2. November 19, 2008

    In the words of one of my writing teachers: good sensory details. YIKES!

  3. November 19, 2008

    I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT. Once I had a blocked ear, after a bad cold, and it wouldn’t unblock and so I went to Emergency Care or some shit, and the nurse squirted warm saline into my ear-hole, kept peering into it and saying “Almost, almost,” and I was like “What is this? What could this possibly do?”

    I’ll tell you.

    It dislodged a conical, inch long plug of earwax that was at least a decade old, and a veritable strata of colors, textures and one can only assume smells. I was 17 or something, and the nurse went down the hall to get something and I sat, staring at it in the little kidney-shaped dish it was swimming in, wondering how I could take it home. It was so foul.

  4. heathen
    November 19, 2008

    that is AWESOME.

  5. November 20, 2008

    Nothing really gross has every been pulled out of me, but a friend of mine went on one of those de-parasiting regimes once and pooped out a 6-inch wriggling worm as thick as my finger. Luckily a bunch of us were at her place when it happened and we all got a good look and some excellent photos. We all looked at her with awe and respect from then on, as you can well imagine.

  6. November 21, 2008

    i really enjoy those things too, what does it say about a person? my son’s had a nose infection off and on. it’ll get better and then get worse. i told him if he would stop jamming his fingers up there it might heal.

    the scabs that have come out of his nose have been very impressive. now when he blows them out, he’ll call for me so i can see it and be proud.

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