25 Things I’ve Never Done
25 November 2008
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Inspired by XUP.
- Been legally married
- Traveled to a third world country
- Donated to a politician
- Bought a brand new car
- Gotten into a fistfight
- Won money in Vegas and not turned right around to lose it all
- Made a soufflé
- Broken a bone that required me to wear a cast
- Had “the relations” with a gentleman
- Memorized all the words to the Act of Contrition (TAKE THAT, Catholic Church!)
- Lit a cat on fire
- Read War and Peace
- Watched Casablanca or Citizen Kane or Gone with the Wind
- Appreciated the subtle aroma of a litter box
- Enjoyed chocolate cake or any cake with a fruity filling
- Met a reality television show I didn’t like watch
- Loved anyone as long or as much as I love Terri Clark Janie
- Intentionally rammed someone with my car no matter how much they might have deserved it for forgetting to give me a courtesy wave
- Danced with the devil in the pale moonlight
- Touched that hooker, no matter what the cops said Seen a hooker in real life
- Remembered to bring my coupons or reusable bags to the store
- Changed a tire
- Beaten my wife at “Sorry”
- Liked cats baboons
- Actually asked Janie to go on a date, live with me, marry me. She just keeps showing up. Gone a day in the last 6+ years regretting my life with the woman I can’t get rid of love
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Ha ha, you’re a virgin!!
I’d like to protest #11. You all were in on the lighting of the tail of one Clifford, DMH, Brown/Grey Tabby.
Technically it was your candle and your cat, so I was an innocent bystander. Janie and I discussed this before it officially made the list and we concluded that you were the one to light the cat on fire.
Yes well YOU bought me that candle so you aren’t 100% innocent on that one.
for reasons i do not understand, this made me cry. must be the loving janie thing again. what is WRONG with me?!
i’m glad you’ve never lit a cat on fire.
i’mma do this list too.
you have a lot of feelings and there’s nothing wrong with that!
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please don’t steal
Copyright 2007-2011
All of it. Even that thing I wrote that time.
Even this: poop. poop. poop.
That's mine. I wrote it.
When you steal, a kitten breaks its leg. True story.
Thank you.
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