25 Things I’ve Never Done

Inspired by XUP.

  1. Been legally married
  2. Traveled to a third world country
  3. Donated to a politician
  4. Bought a brand new car
  5. Gotten into a fistfight
  6. Won money in Vegas and not turned right around to lose it all
  7. Made a soufflé
  8. Broken a bone that required me to wear a cast
  9. Had “the relations” with a gentleman
  10. Memorized all the words to the Act of Contrition (TAKE THAT, Catholic Church!)
  11. Lit a cat on fire
  12. Read War and Peace
  13. Watched Casablanca or Citizen Kane or Gone with the Wind
  14. Appreciated the subtle aroma of a litter box
  15. Enjoyed chocolate cake or any cake with a fruity filling
  16. Met a reality television show I didn’t like watch
  17. Loved anyone as long or as much as I love Terri Clark Janie
  18. Intentionally rammed someone with my car no matter how much they might have deserved it for forgetting to give me a courtesy wave
  19. Danced with the devil in the pale moonlight
  20. Touched that hooker, no matter what the cops said Seen a hooker in real life
  21. Remembered to bring my coupons or reusable bags to the store
  22. Changed a tire
  23. Beaten my wife at “Sorry”
  24. Liked cats baboons
  25. Actually asked Janie to go on a date, live with me, marry me.¬† She just keeps showing up. Gone a day in the last 6+ years regretting my life with the woman I can’t get rid of love


  1. November 26, 2008

    Ha ha, you’re a virgin!!

  2. E's Mom
    November 26, 2008

    I’d like to protest #11. You all were in on the lighting of the tail of one Clifford, DMH, Brown/Grey Tabby.

  3. heathen
    November 26, 2008

    Technically it was your candle and your cat, so I was an innocent bystander. Janie and I discussed this before it officially made the list and we concluded that you were the one to light the cat on fire.

  4. E's Mom
    November 26, 2008

    Yes well YOU bought me that candle so you aren’t 100% innocent on that one.

  5. December 1, 2008

    for reasons i do not understand, this made me cry. must be the loving janie thing again. what is WRONG with me?!

    i’m glad you’ve never lit a cat on fire.

    i’mma do this list too.

  6. heathen
    December 2, 2008

    you have a lot of feelings and there’s nothing wrong with that!

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