We’re two debates and many months into this election now and I’d like to tell you that the door isn’t completely shut on wooing my vote. I was originally in this for Hilary because I liked her, I believed in her and because my boss gave me a flier with her face on it. A vote for Hillary equaled a vote for job security!
That’s how you work the people, McCain/Palin. That’s how you get me in your pocket.
Okay, that’s not really true. My job was not threatened, and I knew I could vote for anyone I wanted and not need to justify my beliefs to the people that sign my paycheck. That’s only one of many reasons I enjoy my employment. Also, free nuts and all the water I can drink.
Let’s get serious, you two. There are a few things I would accept in exchange for my vote. I’m not in love with Obama, I like him better than either of you or both of you combined, but I’m not married to him. I could be swayed. There is an umbrella category of things that could win me over and I’d be happy to share that with you. What you do with that information is up to you.
If you wanted to, say, offer me 4 years worth of cupcakes (not chocolate), I would be convinced to vote for you. We can renegotiate after your term is up, when I can evaluate your work and decide if the job you’re doing is worth it enough to lower my standards and vote for an impaired geriatric and a raving lunatic.
I might also be willing to consider 4 years worth of donuts, boysenberry pie, chocolate milkshakes or the ability to send up to 48 people of my choosing to Guantanamo or a comparable location. To be fair, I will agree that neither of you can be designated as one of my 48 enemy combatants.
I think we can work out a deal here. I know you need my vote up here in the PNW. The latest Rasmussen report has Obama besting you by 10 points. Wouldn’t you love to see those 10 points disappear? I bet you would, and you don’t need to produce pricey commercials or spend thousands of dollars campaigning around here when you could just give me a monthly shopping spree at Target coupled with a brand new iPhone. It would be so easy! I can name thousands more like me who would be willing to sell their soul for next to nothing. It’s not too late. You can reach me by clicking on that “contact” link near the top of this page.
I await your response.