by a Casio Keyboard
Last night I watched the second presidential debate between Barack Obama and John McCain. I know I’m not alone when I tell you that it was a bit of a snoozer. There were the same old canned responses and jabs as we’ve seen in the preceding months, only with slightly more hate-fueled ranting by Senator McCain.
I’m thinking that John McCain needs to lighten his stumping and vociferation with the soft touch of my classical rhythm. He can set the mood with the press of a button and every time he wants to take a swipe at Senator Obama, he can drive it home with a few taps of the keys using the deep and disappointing tuba tone.
Senator Obama, on the other hand, could really benefit from some of my funny options For example, he could have used the cheer tone for every underhanded attack, like when he said “I’ve got to correct a little bit of McCain’s history. Not surprisingly.” *CHEER* It would really have added to the drama, considering the bite-sized town hall crowd assembled was banned form making any sound or signs of protest. I’d have really liked to see Obama make good use of my keys when he hit a home run (like they do at baseball games) – “Senator McCain, I think the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel on that one…” CHARGE!
At some point during the town hall styled debate, for which my hands-fee microphone would have come in handy, John McCain walked in the background while Barack Obama was speaking and he made some sort of gesture. To the untrained eye, it looked like a gang sign and I just want John McCain to know that if he’s going to throw up gang signs in a debate (West Side!) he should consider my hip hop rhythm to accompany it. It’s an attention grabber. He could also use it while he raps his responses because nothing will go along with referring to your running mate as “that one” as well as the phat beats of a Casio mini keyboards beat box. Senator Obama might, too, like my hip hop rhythm while fist-bumping his lovely wife Michelle, though they may also want to consider funk, because that has a broader appeal.
As the debate wore on and I became more weary and inebriated from that John McCain drinking game – a shot for every utterance of “my friends” or “maverick” – I turned on my carnival rhythm and let it ride as McCain aimlessly wandered around the stage during his pitch. When his age started to settle in and his talking points became slightly more unbalanced and incomplete, McCain would have appreciated the smooth sounds of this Casio keyboard. He could have covered up his unfinished sentences – “I have fought against excessive spending and outrageous.” – with his own rendition of Ain’t Misbehavin’.
For the next debate, sure to be another opportunity for these two to bore us with their opinions on why the other is a dirt bag, I suggest you pick up a Casio of your very own to highlight the stiff handshakes and talking points. If things get nasty and they actually start to brawl, you’ll want to have handy access to my Song Bank for an up-tempo rendition of Skaters Waltz.
P.S. The Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin will be happy to note that my features include both a church organ and flute tone, so even when she’s traveling from city to city telling her base that Obama’s a terrorist, she can practice her talent or summon her witch doctor.