Maybe it was the meatballs

This weekend, Janie and I went to Ikea with some of her friends from work. We bought a potato ricer and some lingonberries.

We watched the Seahawks play terrible football and I went on and on about how much I hate Matt Hasselbeck because he holds onto that football for too long, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen even after I said I was done and had given up. This is otherwise known as the moment I became my father.

It was a beautiful weekend, weather-wise. When my neighbors were quiet enough to make me think I could go outside without being yelled at, I picked six tomatoes from my three tomato plants. Those six cherry tomatoes are all the ripe tomatoes my plants produced this year.

Last night I had many dreams:

First, there was the one where a tiny yellow and orange duck came out of Janie’s back.

Then there was that one where Janie left me and a bitter gay divorce ensued and I was absolutely not going to let her take that god damn bed.

Third was a dream that my book club was at a water park and I was taking Flip videos of everyone while they floated past me in their inner tubes. Then someone stole my camera and posted the videos online.

There were others, but I can’t remember them just now.

The weekend was one of those times where your days off seem long and drawn out, like you spent more than just those two glorious days wandering around the house in your pajamas. Now it’s Monday and life will not allow me to casually ask Janie questions like, “So, do you think you’ll shower today?”

In other news, Janie and I are penny pinching this week, which means we’re only going to eat the things we find in our cupboards or freezer. If you have a good recipe using nothing but kosher salt, pimientos, a three pound bag of freezer burned cauliflower and broccoli florets, a small cantaloupe and 1/2 bottle of Pepto Bismol, let me know. Thanks.


  1. September 8, 2008

    cant think of anything to make with those ingredients. just drink salt water and go nuts all week… 😉

    you mean to tell me there is no rice? What about brocli cauli stirfry with pimento? and melon for desert.

  2. heathen
    September 8, 2008

    oooh – I don’t eat stir fry. But you’re right, we do have some brown rice, too. I bet I can manage on rice alone for 7 days, and by manage I mean that I’m going to go insane.

  3. September 8, 2008

    those sounds like pretty awesome dreams.

    on neighbors, i really dislike when i am outside of my house or driving down the driveway, and my neighbor (that doesn’t like alister crowley) calls my name.

    first of all, who cannot like the most evil man in the world? and secondly, i really enjoy and treasure my privacy at home and just b/c i am in my car coming up the driveway, doesn’t give you permission to speak to me.

    or is that a bit harsh?

  4. E's Mom
    September 9, 2008

    I fed your wife today. Don’t be jealous that she gets to feel full for one meal this week. It was delicous too. All eggy, and hashbrowny. I’ll get your back on Friday, how’s about?

  5. heathen
    September 9, 2008

    You’ll be lucky if I can manage to find your house that early, let alone try to eat Starbucks oatmeal.

  6. September 10, 2008

    Okay, let the florets thaw a bit, throw them in a big bowl along with the pimentos, drizzle with olive oil (if you have some — everyone has some sort of oil in the house, right?) sprinkle with kosher salt and then get all the crumbs from your toaster tray and mix them in as well. (if you have any rosemary or other tasty herb, toss that in as well) Spread the whole sorry mess onto a baking sheet and put under the broiler until things start to get brown. It’s actually good. It really perks up and becomes an actual meal if you have some sort of cheese sauce to top them off

  7. heathen
    September 10, 2008

    XUP – I’ll give it a try. I think you need to participate in this competition: Paper Chef.

  8. September 10, 2008

    Yeah, I would say that once ducks are sprouting out your wife’s back, it’s pretty much divorce city.

    Also, sounds like you might want to ration that pepto. Good luck!

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