Dear Dr. Phil

I was reading your column in the June 2008 issue of Oprah magazine. To be clear, this magazine is not mine, we have a subscription at my office and when I’ve read all the People magazines we have in the reception area, I grab Oprah out of desperation.

In this recent column, you suggested that the sister of a racist woman keep an open relationship with her sibling and try to influence her over time to learn about acceptance. In the following response to a woman whose husband has friends who cheat on their wives and talk about it openly, you suggested she refuse to socialize with them and then ask her husband do the same. I can’t help but feel like these two responses are contrary to one another.

It is only fair that I be honest in saying that I dislike you considerably. I know you helped Oprah through that tough time with the meat guys. It’s important that Oprah be allowed to express her distaste for hamburgers, and that you supported her through a time when some old cowboys tried to take her money for doing just that was a job well done. The Oprah community applauds you, for sure. I sometimes watch your show, mostly a few years ago when Janie got on a strange Dr. Phil kick while you were following some family and we were interested in seeing how their lives turned out under your tutelage. I have watched, but I have always thought that you were a little too brash and egotistical. You’re like the male version of Oprah – no one loves you more than you. I guess that’s how it should be – we should all love ourselves because if we don’t, no one can love us. Or some shit. I stopped going to therapy over a year ago, so the thousands of dollars worth of wisdom I gained in there are gone now and I’m left with a vague feeling that I had been going there to learn something about myself, but I’ve forgotten what it was.

My point, Phil, is this. If you’re going to tell the sister of the racist to keep a relationship with someone whose values are contrary to her own because maybe she can change her, shouldn’t you say pretty much the same thing to the wife of the guy with the cheating whore friends? Couldn’t that woman and her husband and their (hopefully) cheat-free marriage serve as a symbol for fidelity and what it means to love the one you’ve got? Can’t that woman teach those fucking shitbag husbands that maybe they should learn to keep their god damn penises where they belong, inside their wives? If she follows your advice and withdraws herself and her husband from those relationships, then who will teach them that it’s perfectly okay to stop sleeping with other people when you promise to?

Maybe you should invite them onto your show. As much as I hate you and believe you to be an opportunist who takes advantage of people needing professional help by exploiting them for my viewing pleasure, I can’t help but wonder if dirt bags like those could benefit from being exposed on national television and made to sit on stage while an overly-made up doctor and his wife hold hands and kick them in the balls.

Now that I think of it, I have a few people in my life who I’d like to send on your show, although there is as much a chance of that happening as there is of Janie taking her shirt off when she comes home from work tonight. I won’t say who they are, and if they ever read this, I’ll bet they’re so vain that they probably think this paragraph is about them. And, you know what? IT IS. Suck it. But maybe you could help us, help some of the people I know realize that maybe they’re wrong and that there is nothing wrong with being wrong from time to time. Like, for example, maybe Janie is wrong about not taking her shirt off. Just sayin’.


One Comment

  1. July 11, 2008

    Your first mistake was picking up that Oprah magazine. Will you never learn to avert your eyes and other senses from all things Oprah? Did you learn nothing from that whole 21 day cleanse episode? These people are the contaminated lances in the festering boils of society. And anyone within range is going to get pussie (as opposed to pussy) stuff on them. Better to re-read the People magazines, or even to just stare blankly out a window.

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