Oprah’s 21 Day Cleanse – OVER

It’s so nice to have the freedom to eat things.

I spent most of Saturday thinking about all the things I was going to put into my mouth on Sunday morning. I’ve taken up a lot of time in the last week thinking out loud about all the dirty little morsels that I was going to wrap my lips around and Janie was getting tired of hearing it so, just for her, I only thought about it in my head so she wouldn’t have to hear me talk about how I was going to eat a waffle, first thing.

It became quite clear that after three weeks of nothing but tofu and hummus, our stomachs had shrunk and I, for one, was barely able to shove that last piece of crab down in there. Also, it didn’t take long before the animal proteins had their way with my stomach and it felt like maybe I was going to crap my pants right there in our living room during that episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. I didn’t, though. Don’t worry. I just groaned a lot and talked to Janie about how that waffle, the thing I ate first, was trying to kill me. Or maybe it was all that bacon.

Despite my fevered attempts to eat everything I have denied myself the past three weeks, I was surprised to find my brunch plate littered with fruit while lacking in desserts and other sweet things. It is entirely possible that I have learned a valuable lesson in the midst of all my complaining and that lesson might be that maybe my body doesn’t really want that candy, thank you. Or maybe it’s that it likes fruit, first and candy, second rather than candy, first and candy, second.

So, the verdict after having cleansed my body of gluten, animal products, caffeine, alcohol and sugar is that my body doesn’t really give a shit about those things except, maybe, for a good cheese sandwich and an occasional waffle. I’m inclined to keep away from sugar now, especially high fructose corn syrup that will rot the kidneys right out of your body, and will consume significantly less meat. I’ve been aware of what I’ve put into my body and, though it’s only been a day, I am still maintaining that conscientiousness – I thought long and hard about where that hamburger I had for dinner last night came from.



  1. June 25, 2008

    Well, crazy as it was I feel compelled to congratulate you for finishing the whole damn thing AND for taking some good dietary practices out of it all. You totally rock (as the young folk say)

  2. heathen
    June 25, 2008


    I’ve been kind of amazed at all the things I’ve taken away from this to carry on every day, so I’m glad I did it in the end. When I told our new doctor that we’d just finished this 21 day Oprah vegan cleanse thing, he rolled his eyes and laughed. haha.

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