Oprah’s 21 Day Cleanse: Day 5

I am so thirsty.

I’m thinking of taking all my nutrition in liquid form. My coworker told me that she tried a 21 day cleanse for which there was no chewing allowed. Everything was pureed or some sort of juice or broth. At this point, my thirst is leading me to the delusional belief that it would be a good idea to do that.

In my quest for beverages, I have a renewed interest for orange juice. Not the shitty kind, but the Odwalla, pulpy goodness that I just drank two bottles of. I need to go to Costco to get a few gallons to get me through tomorrow.

Janie is not faring so well. She had to go home from work because she’s feeling lightheaded and nauseous. I asked if she’d eaten. She had. I asked if she’d been drinking plenty of water and she said that she had been drinking water, generally, but probably not enough. When I asked if she’d had any today, she said no. I insisted that she get some water and enjoy it before she crumbles apart and turns into a pile of dust, but if she turns to dust before she can finish that water, you can bet I’ll finish it off.

I am so thirsty.


  1. June 5, 2008

    This sounds awful. It should be a reality show so if you stick with it you win valuable cash and prizes at the end.

  2. heathen
    June 5, 2008

    I know – I feel like I should be given some recognition when I make it to the end. Maybe a trip to Italy or something so I could get back on the gluten wagon and eat myself into a pasta coma.

  3. June 6, 2008

    O.M.G. Anything that makes you feel this awful cannot possibly be good for you. Just because Oprah tells you to do something, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Oprah’s insane. You should eat regular, good, natural food. And drink lots of water. If you want a healthy, sensible way to eat have a look at a book called French Women Don’t Get Fat. The title is stupid and the woman who wrote it is a little stupid, but her eating suggestions are sound.

  4. E's Mom
    June 6, 2008

    This is getting too hard. Dana asked for suggestions for dinner last night, and although I wanted to help, I was stuck. See I was going to make a nice salad base of Bib lettuce, with cucumber, tomato, and grilled garbanzo beans. BUT – then I wanted to put tuna salad on in the center. So that means you all can’t eat it, yet it would have been awfully healthy. Oh well…E I and went to LaPalma instead. F*ck the salad.

Comments are closed.