I have been a fan of Top Chef since the first season, diligently watching each episode with my loving wife and our friend Carrie. As we watched your most recent season finale, I couldn’t help but comment, as I do every week, that it sure would be nice if Stephanie and Antonia would make out a little bit.
I know, I know…you had two lesbians on earlier in the show, a couple even, but that’s not what I’m into. I’m not into faux-hawks and people that went to Janie’s high school making out on television, I’m into Stephanie and Antonia making out on television.
I understand that the season is over and you’re moving on. In fact, Janie and I watched the reunion show yesterday and made note that Antonia and Stephanie were sitting very close to one another and you missed a prime opportunity for them to nuzzle each other’s bosom. You’re probably preparing to cast your next season, but maybe you can also conceive of a show where Stephanie and Antonia just enjoy each other’s company or, as Ellen Page’s sketch character on SNL put it, hug one another with their legs in friendship. It could even be a micro-series like that one Alicia Keyes did for MTV. You can call it Whose On Top, Chef? and play it during commercial breaks. I’d be willing to help conceptualize it and I’d even be willing to participate in writing some of the episodes. Here’s a sampling of what I can do:
Antonia: Congratulations on your big win, Stephanie! Here, have some wine, let’s celebrate.
Stephanie: Thanks, Antonia. Come over here, sit on the couch and get comfortable. Let me help you with your coat.
Antonia: Okay. Oh, oops, it looks like I spilled some of this wine on my pants.
Stephanie: That’s okay, I have some club soda. We can soak it in that while we make out.
I have a thousand more scenarios in my head just like that and I’d be happy to send them when you’re ready.