Mission Accomplished

I stole that post title from George H.W. Bush and just like him, I am exaggerating.

The garden project isn’t really complete, it’s more in the state of constant upkeep which, I guess, is the general nature of a garden anyway. A garden/yard is never really “done.” This is something people don’t tell you before you buy a house or a condo with a yard. Make a note of that.


Our condo is technically on the first floor, but below us is a garage, so we’re a floor above the ground. Our yard is up a large rockery and any access to it requires walking up a flights of stairs or climbing up the rocks and through some razor-sharp holly bushes. This is important because, in order to complete our yard work masterpiece, we had to haul away seven heavy bags of yard waste and bring in 15 rolls of sod and 24 bags of mulch. That’s 39 trips up the stairs with arms full of somewhere between 25 and 40 pounds of stuff per trip.

I’d purchased five rolls of sod and six bags of mulch on the first day and, as Janie finished her third trip while I held the kitties at bay and prevented their escape into the great outdoors, I heard her in the hallway yelling “Help…HELP ME!” I shut the patio door and ran to find her slumped against the brick wall with her sod-filled arms sagging and starting to shake. Poor little weak thing. She worked during the bulk of the time set aside for carrying these things over the next weekend, so I ended up making eight trips one day and 20 trips another. I do not ever want to carry anything again, including babies. Babies can walk or they can sleep in the garage.


After we put down our last sod roll and raked out our last bag of mulch, I set out some decorative items, including a hummingbird feeder, a small bistro set and a birdhouse. I wanted to attach the birdhouse to a nail in the side of the building across from ours, but Janie was up in arms and going on about “How it would feel if someone started hanging things on our house? What if they wanted to store their stuff on our patio?” Or maybe one day, then, if someone from across the way wants to make love to my wife, I can’t say no because hey, I hung a birdhouse on the side of that building where no one but us could ever even know it’s there and there’s already a nail hole, anyway. I gave in and hung the birdhouse from the tree we’re going to cut down in a few weeks, but at some point I did need to use the neighbor’s hose to water the new grass until I can work out a way to extend our hose from the garage, up the rockery to the garden, so if someone insists that they need to come over and sleep with my wife because I’m using their hose, well, I’m sorry Janie, but the grass needs to be watered.