What is wrong with you, Fayetteville, Arkansas?
Seriously.
[via]

(very loud and incoherent mumbling)
What?
What did I say? I was asleep and I woke myself up talking. What did I say?
I was asleep. I don’ t know.
(incoherent mumbling)
I can’t understand you.
What did I say?
Go back to sleep.
(snoring)

I went on a Tootsie Roll bender at work.
Je regrette.

Here are the first lines of fifteen random songs from my iPod. Can you guess any of them without cheating?

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me, I think they’re okay
You come out at night, that’s when the energy comes
Wake up, mister microphone
Spring is here and the sky is so very blue
When I was eight I had a friend with a pirate smile
Anyone who’s ever had a heart wouldn’t turn around and break it
Why don’t you ask him if he’s going to stay?
Alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise …