Briefly

This weekend I took some time out of my busy schedule for pursuing some personal interests like television and video games. That’s pretty much why I haven’t updated – because sometimes Kratos needs someone to make sure he defeats Ares to become the new God of War. Yes, I realize this makes me seem like a 15 year old boy, but this game is like a really long episode of Xena: Warrior Princess without the lesbians.

One thing I am very aware of is that my advanced age has made it difficult to sit in front of the television for long periods of time playing PlayStation without suffering debilitating consequences. I’ve got neck and back pain which has evolved into a sharp little headache. I shouldn’t complain because I did this to myself, but I do it anyway.

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On Tuesday Evenings I’ve been going to Mini Med School at the University of Washington. Tonight is Obesity and Diabetes night. We (my sister, friend and I) skipped the previous two lectures because they sounded like sleepers. Our favorite so far has been Superbug night, where we saw slides of what MRSA will do to people just like you and me. Folks, it’s disgusting. There were abscesses left and right. One dude’s shin had a small hole, but the abscess went up his entire shin and the doctors were able to stick an 8-inch cotton swab and move it around freely inside his leg. One poor elderly gentleman has MRSA in his groin and, I am not even joking, his scrotum swelled so much that it basically enveloped his penis. There was no penis to be seen. My friend Dana felt it necessary to inform me, “Linsey, they don’t normally look like this. Just so you know.”

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What should you do when you’re pretty sure the afternoon valet in the parking garage is driving your car or, at the very least, spending more time than is acceptable in it while listening to Prince and playing with the seat settings? Does it seem odd that parking the car adds five miles to the odometer?

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Janie drove the car to work yesterday. When she was driving home she called and casually mentioned that she had parked in an area where there were an inordinate number of birds who had spent the day pooping on the car. I didn’t think much of it because we have seagulls nesting on the roof of our condo building and when we parked it outside last summer it was often splattered with white streaks. When I walked into the garage this morning I was stunned. I don’t know where exactly Janie parked the car yesterday, but if I had to guess, it was beneath a tree with 800 nests of large birds which were infected with some sort of stomach virus, because it would otherwise be impossible to cover one vehicle with so much shit.

This morning I had to get gas before picking my sister up so I had an opportunity to do some damage control with the window washing squeegee. I feel sorry for anyone who tried to wash their windows after me. As I started to slather on the sudsy water, a guy pulled up and, as he opened his door, he said to me, “WOW! It looks like you parked in the wrong spot!” Haha. I wanted so desperately to tell him that I was not the one who let this happen.

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Something Cute:

Cute Bunny

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Something You Should Know:

lardmakeshappy

2 Comments

  1. March 4, 2008

    MRSA scares me.

    I’m thrilled to be in on the secret to happiness. Lard? If only we could get this into the mainstream media.

  2. LizzieLou
    March 4, 2008

    Thanks for the update about Mini Med. I have not had it in me to get there this year. Did you get to sign up for the special lab?

    I always picture those guys from ‘Ferris Bueller’ when someone mentions naughty valets. Those guys were skanky! I hope they’re not cruising around in your Sweet Ride.

    Bunny = too cute. All the oxygen has left the room.

    Lard = too delicious. All my words have left me.

Comments are closed.