Meet Harlow


Janie checked Harlow out from the library about 6 years ago and never bothered to bring her back, no matter how much I have begged over the years.

Her nickname is The Stink, because that’s what she is. You can also call her Tiny Monkey, Tiny Stink, Stinkerpotamus and Stinkerbean. Sometimes you can call her an asshole and when Janie says, “Did you just call Harlow an asshole?” You just say “Yes I did. Because she’s being one.” Because you know what, sometimes Harlow is such an asshole.

Harlow doesn’t like Ducati. It’s not so much that she doesn’t like him, really, it’s more that she wishes he’d die already. Whenever he comes into a room that Harlow is in she will attack him and chase him away. If he sits in the doorway she will growl and stare at him with her ears back and grumble like a 90 year old woman who just had her basement window broken by some snot-nosed hooligans playing baseball. When we merged households FIVE YEARS AGO we were sure it would get better, that they would learn to get along. Man, how wrong we were. How naive! At this point in time, the only place Ducati can exist is on the kitchen counter.


Harlow’s hobbies include running at top speed down the hall and tearing into the living room, dragging her stick toys all around the house while yowling for us to come and find her, spinning in the bathtub, purring for no good reason, meowing for no good reason and sitting on Carson’s face while she is sleeping.

Harlow’s greatest love is the bathroom. She could spend all day in there, and she hopes that you will, too.

Her dislikes include covering up her business in the litter box, electric razors and being laughed at.

Her likes include drooling all over people, waking people up and purring loudly and then drooling all over them and being very, very, very loud.

When I told her I was writing about her in the Internet she asked me to ask the following:

Who wants to come with me to the potty?