I’m the worst wife ever

Early this evening I was taking a nap and Janie decided to take a bath. I drifted off to the sounds of bathwater running down the hall. I woke up suddenly, still hearing water running and thinking to myself, “I know I was sleeping. I know I slept for a while. Why is that water still running?”

I looked at the clock and was sure I’d slept for at least 30 minutes. The water, meanwhile, was still going. Here is my internal dialog…

Why is that water still running? Is she refilling the bath or is she drowning?

I’m going to wait a minute and see if she turns it off. If she doesn’t, then she’s drowning and I need to get up and help her.

It’s still running! Man, if she’s drowning there’s going to be water everywhere. It’s gotta be running all down the hall right now. If I see water on the bedroom floor, I’m definitely getting up to save her.I’m going to wait just a few seconds more for that water to turn off and then I am going to call out and see if she answers back. If she doesn’t, then I am definitely going to need to do some CPR.

This is not going to sound very good on the 911 tape when I tell them I just waited here and listened while my wife drowned in the bath. Maybe I should just get up and see if she’s okay.

Just about then, the water stopped running. Janie wasn’t dead and I went back to sleep.


  1. […] this power and use it for the greater good. I would make Linsey’s alarm clock go off when I’m drowning in the bathtub so she could come give me CPR. I would make the clocks at work speed up so my workday would end […]

  2. LizzieLou
    November 13, 2007

    This is really funny and I’m glad I’m not the only one. Sometimes Lolly is up very late working and I have gone to bed. Then there is a loud thump that rouses me and I lift my other ear from the pillow to listen for subsequent movement. If I do hear something else, I try to figure out what it might be. Has she fallen and can’t get up? or did she just take off her boots and drop them on the floor? Second thump means boots. No more thumps means go and check.

Comments are closed.